Financial settlement not started - savings vs lump sum mortgage overpayment?

[Nearlyalldone]

Hi - just wanted some advice.

Been separated from husband for nearly 3yrs. I’m still living at the marital home (jointly owned) with the kids and he’s been renting since he moved out nearly 3yrs ago.

We’ve got a decree nisi, but haven’t yet started the divorce financial settlement process. He’s previously made noises about sorting out our financial settlement and completing the divorce, but I’ve heard nothing from him about it for nearly a year. I’m leaving it to him to begin the process. He was abusive (physically and emotionally) during our marriage and continues to be emotionally abusive since our separation. I don’t want to trigger him by discussing finances.

The house is on a tracker mortgage and the monthly payments are starting to become unbearable with the never-ending interest rate rises. I can’t fix the mortgage without my ex’s permission and I don’t want to trigger him by discussing finances with him as explained above.

I’ve got pretty healthy amount in savings and am thinking of making a lump sum payment into the mortgage to bring down the monthly costs. The mortgage is totally flexible and there are no overpayment limits or charges.

Am I right in thinking that in terms of a future financial settlement, there’s no real difference between my money being in a savings account vs being used to pay off a chunk of the mortgage? My thoughts are that my savings would have gone into the marital financial ‘pot’ to be divided in a financial settlement and so it doesn’t matter if the money is in my savings account or knocked off the mortgage.

Is that right, or will I financially disadvantage myself and financially advantage my ex by using my savings to make a lump sum payment towards the mortgage?

i should say that my ex pays me a similar amount to what would be ordered by the CMS for the kids each month. He doesn’t pay any extra towards the mortgage, so his financial contribution to me (for the kids) would not be affected by the mortgage cost reduction.

Just a little bump 😊

Sounds like interest rate rises may force you to look at getting a financial agreement sorted. Although it may be difficult, what do you gain by living in limbo and putting off the inevitable?

Sorry but this stuff doesn’t get easier by not facing it.

My ex is extremely unreasonable and vindictive. As an example, he’s turned down the opportunity to see the kids on Father’s Day just to spite me. No skin off my nose, it’s the kids who will suffer, but he’s too vindictive to realise that and he thinks that he’s somehow got one over on me. He’s also emotionally abusive and will ramp up his harassment of me if I even dare to whisper anything about finances to him.

I’ve been in several separate court hearings with him over a 12 month period over childcare arrangements for the children (he got nowhere with his applications). I’m certain that we’ll end up back in court about the finances (sure he’ll put in another child arrangement application too to minimise what he has to pay out to me in the financial settlement) and I don’t have the energy (or the spare money - need what’s left of my saving for housing/a lump sum payment for the mortgage!) to go through the court system again.

I’ll leave it to him to start off the process and pay for mediation. It’ll be wasted money as he won’t agree to anything sensible. Will do my best to represent myself as far as possible if/when it goes to court as his nonsense would lead to me spending masses on solicitor bills.

Speak to a solicitor! But I’d say you would possibly be less likely to have to give him a share of the equity in your house than a share of your savings. You can’t easily access the equity in the house and you need a roof over your heads. Cash in the bank is a liquid asset.

I would also recommend a chat with Simon Walland - a barrister who has been incredibly helpful to me and has saved me thousands in solicitors fees.

By not forcing his hand, you are allowing him to continue to abuse you. For your own sake, you need to get this sorted. Use the savings to take him to court and get it sorted. This would be a much better use for the money than the mortgage. You're allowing yourself to be in limbo and for him to continue to have a hold over you. I know it's difficult but from the sounds of it, he'll be difficult anyway so get it over and done with.

Thank you @Mumof3confused - I hadn’t thought of it that way before (that my money would be more ‘protected’ if it’s in the house).

I completely understand where you’re coming from @Fourmagpies … but I need a break from court and all the association stress that comes with it. Also need a break from being relentlessly harassed by my ex - things have been ‘relatively’ calmer since he last mentioned finances about a year ago. Still get the odd rant from him here and there about a while range if things but it’s nothing compared to what it was. I know I’ll have to deal with it all eventually but I’m enjoying being in the of the storm at the moment and want it to last as long as possible(!). It’s the closest I’ve had to peace for years (we were together for 20yrs and he was volatile throughout).

Looking forward, what's the (realistic) plan with the house? Are you staying there and buying him out or will you have to sell? Have you had any advice about a likely outcome?

As pp said cash in the bank is liquid whereas if you use it to pay off some of your mortgage it becomes inaccessible so (as either way it will be split in the financial settlement) I would seriously think about tying it up.

Have a look on the wikivorce forums - they were incredibly useful when I got divorced.

Thanks @Loverofoxbowlakes . I ultimately plan to buy him out once the financial settlement is agreed in the future. Will need to increase the mortgage amount and also extend the mortgage length to do this but it should be just about do-able.

is the house owned jointly or as tenants in common?
A bit of a morbid perspective, but if you reduced mortgage with savings and were to die, if jointly owned, he would automatically inherit as the house not part of your estate. if tenants in common, he would get his share of the equity (higher if mortgage reduced) with your share according to your will. Savings would be split according to your will.

Also, as others have said, liquid assets may be more useful if needed for legal fees.

Both the equity and saving would be in the ‘marital pot’. Not sure if they would be treated differently when working out a split.

Take it to court and get a hearing date. It will stop it drifting on for years and he will lose his hold over you.

My ex wouldn't co-operate, I filed for the court process and sent a bailiff to his house with the court papers. Suddenly his attitude improved.

The peace you will feel when you have your Decree Absolute and Financial order in place is immense.

I fear that sorting out the finances and completing the divorce will make things worse with him. He’ll then be ‘free’ to dedicate his time/money to varying child arrangements… he’s tried in the past and got nowhere. But he’s delusional and is still saying things to the kids that shows he hasn’t given up. He can barely commit to the time that he currently has with them and he admits this. I end up covering his some of his allocated time with the kids at least 2 or 3 times every month, usually at last min notice (I’ve never asked him to cover my time with the kids).

Things are ‘quiet’ at the moment for the first time in years. I just want to hide away from everything for just a wee bit longer. It’ll get bad again in the future but I want my peace for now.

thanks @Scareystress , but he would end up with my savings anyway if I died because I don’t currently have a will. In addition, if I were to die, even though I despise the man, knowing him, I’m certain that he would keep my liquid assets for the children to inherit when they are adults (as I would if he died).

The longer you let this drag on, the more he will be entitled to your assets. Savings, increase in house equity etc.

Get legal advice from a solicitor you can trust, rather than mumsnet. I fully understand where you're coming from in allowing this delay, but it does put you in a vulnerable financial position in the long run.