How can my ex actually be forced to move/sell our home?

[Skylermarie]

I'm desperate for advice on this because my coercive controlling ex totally refuses to discuss or negotiate anything at all with me as he doesn't want to divorce. He wants me back under his control and no other outcome is acceptable to him.
I left the family home a couple of years ago with DC (to escape DV and unreasonable behaviour). I'm now renting elsewhere and struggling to make ends meet, back at work too in my mid 60s. Ex still gives me the small regular housekeeping allowance, so I am barely coping. If I start to divorce him he is certain to stop this monthly payment immediately. I will not be able to pay my bills if this was stopped.
He also still lives in the family home and seems to view it as entirely his own - though my money has also gone into improving it over a very long marriage.
He is such an incredibly difficult stubborn person that even if a court orders him to sell the house, I know he will make it as difficult, protracted and expensive for me as possible. He could actually refuse to leave it (psychiatric issues?) So, what then? How could he actually be forced to go - and by whom? The legal bills will all be mine, won't they, if I initiate the divorce? So what happens when all my savings are used up? I don't currently qualify for legal aid (as my savings are currently just over the limit) but how will I pay all the legal debts I'd be sure to incur fairly soon?

These fears are what's keeping me currently trapped and impoverished and preventing me accessing my share of the equity in the home.
Thank you in advance to anyone with the legal knowledge to advise me here

The only way to make him leave and to sell the property is to get a court order. It will cost you obviously but you can always try to recuperate your legal fees and, depending on what mood the judge is in, you might get them.

Represent yourself, go straight to court no messing around with mediation or just one mediation session if it's insisted upon. Straight for a final hearing you don't need a solicitor there is tons of information on Wikidivorce.

It'll cost you quite a few thousand though. Probably between 3-7 even representing yourself. Are you working full time and do your children contribute to household expenses?

Pay for an hour with a solicitor to at least get you started.

if you’re mid 60’s do you have any pension? Does he? You may have a claim on that too.

presumably your children are adults? Do they contribute?

Thanks so much to the posters responding above. Any advice and lived experiences most gratefully received!

I'd love to represent myself but realise that (given the abusive and vindictive personality I'm dealing with) I will ultimately have to pay for legal expertise and support. This is very tough as we are not well off and obviously it would be far better if it could be amicable.
I would be interested to know how the law could actually enforce a court order to sell, that he might just ignore? which is entirely possible.
I have a small professional pension, he will have a better one in a few years' time. I work part time on min wage and am paying high rent in an expensive area. One (adult student but disabled) DC who still views me as a meal ticket (believe me I'm working on that).

The court could order that you have sole conduct of the sale process. If needs be, the judge can sign paperwork on his behalf.

Can you work full time and insist your son pay his way. That would boost your income quite quickly.

Wow, thanks Moose - that would be such a breath of fresh air ... to finally regain some power and autonomy in this grim endless psychodrama.
I imagine that a judge would fairly quickly get the measure of him. Sadly, though, I'd already have probably spent most of my (very modest) savings pot even getting that far.
Thank you all.

This is what happened for the house we bought- the vendor's exH was ordered to sell the house as part of divorce proceedings (or whatever). He ignored all paperwork to do with selling so our vendor had to keep going back to court. Took over a year but eventually the judge signed on the exH's behalf. He was charged all the legal fees too.

My job is p/t and ironically needs to stay low-earning to keep to the restrictions of the (unfairly low) Carers Allowance threshold. DC mostly resists paying his way as his 'income' is student loan, which is technically repayable by him in the future.

DC's disability also makes them much harder to employ over the summer so v. little potential earning capacity there sadly. Ex is completely uninterested in DC, only looks after himself now.

I went through this last year and successfully put in a court application, statements and did the paperwork and the process myself. It cost me less than £500.

My ex tried everything in the book to stop the process. The whole process took 10 months and going back to court twice, but finally the house sold and I moved on late last year. It can be done you just need to know what court application forms and what to write. I didn't use a solicitor. I also had compensation for renovations I paid for over the years.

If you want to dm me I will tell you what form you need and what you need to do. It can be done.

Very interested to hear the example of judge taking control, this could well turn out to be our situation.
You were very brave gonnabeok, I'm so glad you got through all that so effectively, quickly and at low cost. It must feel so great to have all that behind you now. My ex is so cunning and there are also potentially large but tricky inheritance issues at his end, which I think will need an experienced solicitor to adjudicate. If I tried to defend myself I know I'd get done/short- changed - so (sadly) I will probably need to pay ££s legal fees because I really need someone to have my back in this situation to help me look out for my own interests.
If he stops the housekeeping allowance that I still depend on, I am hoping the judge would also compel him to reinstate that.

I would also appreciate any information you can provide. TIA

@Skylermarie good luck! It's so weird how some people can go through this process quickly and almost painlessly but for others it takes years and a lot of pain and exhaustion. I'm not looking forward to it.

Are you a carer for your dc? If so you can hardly expect him to “pay his way”. Especially if he is a full time student

If he stops the 'housekeeping' will you qualify for UC ?

My ex was incredibly tricky. Took 6 years, but I mostly represented myself and got a good deal in the end. It cost him ££££ as he had a lawyer doing everything. I got a top notch barrister for the final stage and his lawyer caved.

I know I'm late to this one but see if this can help you - https://www.iamlip.com/ if your worried about costs, this will take you through the whole divorce process for free. Hope this can help xxx
It'll help you understand the process fully so you know what's going on and what you can do if your partner tries to make things difficult.

Can you divorce him first, and settle the property after?

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/718070/d190-eng.pdf

First a big thank you to the recent posters - such relevant and helpful links and comments above, so generously given. I will definitely look into these and am so grateful for them.

• This is what I love about Mumsnet, the range of expertise and experience which you kind people are willing to share when someone is struggling. Thank you

Can I ask you how you did this? i have just posted for help to do this exact thing