Hi, I hope this post isn’t too long for all. I’ll keep to the facts and try to keep it as fair as possible. I’m not quite sure what I’m hoping to achieve but I’m fed up of my own brain presently.
I met my Dh when I was 17 (he is 6 years older) and I have just been dumped by my first love who really broke my heart. DH came along and was a nice kind ‘did what he said he was going to’ kinda guy and I needed that comfort. I knew the first time he told me he loved me, I didn’t love him back but I said it anyway because i wanted to and I was 17 and didn’t know any better. That kinda set the means of our relationship, I think I always knew he loved me more then I cared for him and I never felt ‘in love’ but pathetically I always assumed who else would want me and he was happy.
Almost straight away he had minimal to no sex drive and regularly rejected me.
We did have a big discussion just before we got married I pushed that we needed to get help before we committed and he promised we would work on things but my dad died a few months before my wedding and he was so supportive and I was such a mess that it kinda just went by the way side.
We then have just had an almost sexless marriage since- married 10 years. With me sporadically trying to get us to work on it and him telling me it was all fine. After so long I just lost any interest myself and now over the last year or so he has started trying to initiate sex infrequently but it is me who now is not interested- I try not to reject as feel guilty, as I now see him more as a brother/ housemate. He can’t tell me why his libido has increased slightly. the sex is nice, he isn’t selfish but there’s no fire or spark and never really has been.
He is a nice man, excellent father and does genuinely care for me. But I just don’t feel any real connection and he bores me a bit.
I met someone - had a brief affair (1 month) - and realised that kind of connection/ amazing sex was possible. It was a shitty cowardly thing to do and I told my husband. He didn’t say much- he was sad that we may split up and he would only get to see our child 50/50 instead of all the time.
So we are having counselling (approx 2 months) and working on things but I still keep feeling nothing. I really want to feel with my DH what I’ve just experienced but I’m frightened that we won’t ever feel that as we aren’t trying to recapture something- we just never had it.
i know I’m not a victim and I’ve really messed up. I don't know how to get us all through it in one piece. Is there chance that spark might happen?
thanks for reading