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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Child Maintenance Eligibility

30 replies

Ditsydoorcurtains · 14/06/2023 19:24

Does anyone have expertise on child maintenance? My STBXH wants to have the kids exactly half the time and believes he will owe no child maintenance if he does.
His earnings are 4x greater than mine. I’m trying to increase my income but I’m wondering if I won’t be eligible to claim child maintenance if he has them half the time?

OP posts:
WhamBamThankU · 14/06/2023 19:25

No you won't. It goes on how many nights per week you each have them.

DPotter · 14/06/2023 19:32

Sorry - you won't, but and it's an important but - he has to do everything on the 3.5 days per week (or whichever way you split the time). So if the kids are ill - his problem, same with after school activities, wrap round care, washing, World Book Day (oh joy if you can have him do this), hair washing, head lice combing, holidays - everything. He doesn't just get them sleeping at his and you do school drop offs and pick up, etc etc. You could list out all the things you do and give him the list.

Have you tried playing the 'Oh good that means I can .....when the kids are with you' ploy ? Obviously depends on the man, but you never know, when he realises exactly what 50:50 means. At let's be honest, most men don't know

Sux2buthen · 14/06/2023 19:33

Actually I think technically it just has to be 50/50 overnights and all the other stuff is irrelevant. It shouldn't be but it is.

Original poster
Ditsydoorcurtains · 14/06/2023 19:47

I’ve used the CM calculator via .gov.uk and selected ‘half the nights’ and it’s produced a value but is this on the assumption that they’re only sleeping with my XH overnight and he’s not actually caring for them during the day?

OP posts:
Fantina · 14/06/2023 19:48

It is based on overnights, nothing else. But if his income is four times that of yours then that should be reflected in your financial settlement.

Alittlebitolderandeeperindebt · 14/06/2023 19:49

Fantina · 14/06/2023 19:48

It is based on overnights, nothing else. But if his income is four times that of yours then that should be reflected in your financial settlement.

because?

Fantina · 14/06/2023 19:50

Because that’s the process to achieve a fair divorce settlement.

LemonTT · 14/06/2023 20:22

Under a true 50:50 split of time AND costs then no maintenance is payable. He would need to demonstrate this to the CMS or court, whoever makes the determination, that he is incurring equal costs as part of a fully shared agreement.

For very high earners (c200kpa +) things will be different but these need to go through the court anyway and calculations will be based on lifestyle etc.

Before you get to this stage you both need to decide what is best for the children. That may or may not be shared care.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 14/06/2023 20:26

Yes, broadly speaking, 50/50 will be zero child maintenance. It’s becoming more common so speak to a solicitor.

hattyhathat · 14/06/2023 20:28

Yeah so it's ridiculous but it's based on nights

Original poster
Ditsydoorcurtains · 14/06/2023 20:29

Unfortunately he doesn’t seem to consider what is best for the children, he simply wants them half the time so that he doesn’t have to pay anything out to me.
I’ve always been the primary carer.
Perhaps a trial period will resolve this but he is incredibly difficult so would probably ask for help from his elderly parents rather than admit it’s too much to have 3 kids and juggle his “very important stressful job”.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ditsydoorcurtains · 14/06/2023 20:31

Also wondering, do the kids get a say in this? Would the courts consider their preference.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 14/06/2023 20:32

You need AS MUCH money as possible out the home/pensions and investments

I've met fuckers who'd rather pay a nanny £50k than give their exes money

So fight as much as you can for the assets Flowers

ArcticSkewer · 14/06/2023 20:33

Try something that gives him maximum effort.

One week each means he has to do everything that week ... or get his parents to do it ... bus fares, school lunches, wash uniform, buy clothes, gp appointments etc. A few days here and there makes it easier for you to be default parent.

He may surprise you, and the kids, by stepping up. Some parents do.

Original poster
Ditsydoorcurtains · 14/06/2023 20:44

I do hope that it will improve his relationship with the kids. That can only be a good thing.
He does have a pension worth £600k at the mo (I’m 41), shares, another pension and cryptocurrency.
My problem is that there’s not much equity in the house for me to buy another property big enough but I’m wondering if lenders would consider issuing a mortgage that would take into consideration a potential pension pot of £1/2 mill on retirement?
Currently my part time salary wouldn’t enable me to get a mortgage big enough to top up the equity to afford a big enough home.
I am hoping my job will enable me to increase to full time to give me an income boost.

OP posts:
Mongoosesorry · 14/06/2023 20:48

I would suggest one week with him, then one with you. This stops him dropping them at yours before school and avoiding childcare costs etc.

LaurieFairyCake · 14/06/2023 20:49

And yes depending on age of children they do, over 11/12 they can generally choose

Flowersun6 · 14/06/2023 20:50

How old are the children? Tbh if they are his reasons he wants to do 50/50 I wouldn't worry about it OP he probably won't when it comes to the crunch.

millymollymoomoo · 14/06/2023 20:54

Why do you think his desire to have children 50:50 is cns related ?

why do you not want this ?

Fantina · 14/06/2023 20:55

You need legal advice before you go any further, it will be money well spent.

underneaththeash · 14/06/2023 20:57

WhamBamThankU · 14/06/2023 19:25

No you won't. It goes on how many nights per week you each have them.

That's not correct.

underneaththeash · 14/06/2023 20:59

This advice is shite, it also depends on earnings, who was the main childcarer before and you can also ask for spousal maintenance. Just get a good solicitor and ignore those on MN

Original poster
Ditsydoorcurtains · 14/06/2023 21:01

Because he said ‘if it means you get nothing then I want them half the time’.
I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing but I know the reality and fear he would just leave them in front of YouTube or be dismissive when they ask for something.
For example, for my sons 6 birthday we agreed id take him to Alton Towers for the day but when it came to booking it he tried to persuade me to take him to a local amusement park and said our son wouldn’t know the difference.

OP posts:
hattyhathat · 14/06/2023 21:16

Ditsydoorcurtains · 14/06/2023 19:47

I’ve used the CM calculator via .gov.uk and selected ‘half the nights’ and it’s produced a value but is this on the assumption that they’re only sleeping with my XH overnight and he’s not actually caring for them during the day?

The child maintenance calculator says:

You will not have anything to pay through the Child Maintenance Service if you are:

sharing care equally with the other parent
a full-time student with no income
in prison

So if you could argue that even if he's having half the nights he isn't doing half the care but that might be tricky

hattyhathat · 14/06/2023 21:17

Mongoosesorry · 14/06/2023 20:48

I would suggest one week with him, then one with you. This stops him dropping them at yours before school and avoiding childcare costs etc.

Yes this if the kids are on board with that