Financial Split

[KateFleming]

Hello

I'm currently in the process of sorting financials leading up to divorce. Equity is the main asset.
Ex pays CMS ordered payments, and has made it clear he is unwilling to pay any more ie school clothes, trips, clubs etc.

He's wanting 50/50 split as he "needs" to give DS dinner 5 nights a weeks as he does school pick up until I finish work and has EOW contact.

My sol has proposed an uneven split due to be being resident parent, and being part time until DS started school; my pension contributions and earning capacity was lower etc.

Has anyone had any success within uneven split? Ex has previous form for abuse and I'm trying not be be bullied into something that I'm not content with

How many years were you a sahm? How many years pension contribution are you missing?

I thought CMS payments were based on overnights. Will H be doing half of overnights? Your H doesn't get to choose which rules he will abide by.

I'd listen to your solicitor's advice. That's what you pay him for.

What imbalance are you seeking

split likely to be based on needs which will
also depend on earnings ( and potential ) and whether needs of both parties can be met with 50:50

if he’s picking up 5 nights a week why can’t you move to overnights during week too and s more 50:50 child arrangements?

5 years I was part time

He doesn't want 50/50, I've offered this more than once. He says he can't do overnights mid week as he leaves for work early

So what deviation on asset split are you seeking, what are both your earnings now ?

if he’s not doing 50:50 shared care inc overnights cns would be due based on number of overnights

You can try for an uneven split. I'd listen to your solicitor. But it also depends on how much you want to fight it and how much difference it makes to the overall split of the pot. If you're talking a few grand, it might not be worth fighting for as you'll spend more in solicitors fees. Maintenence and financial order consider different factors. Him doing dinner 5 times a week isn't the same as having overnights so he's going to have to compromise somewhere.

We're going for an uneven split but our situation is a bit more complicated and my STBXH can't have the kids at all.

The CMS is based on overnights - so that payment should be based on that.

Take your solicitors advice re the equity split, what does he need a house to fit a bigger kitchen table!!! Don't be bullied, you have sacrificed pay/pension for 5 years which will have an impact going forward too.

Or her

If you split the house equity 50/50 will that allow you both to buy/rent suitable accommodation in the area you live?

If yes then I'm not sure that it is worth pushing for a bigger share of the equity if XH is going to fight you all the way

Morning, spoke to my solicitor this morning.

I'm going for 60/40 split in my favour and my solicitor agrees we've got a good case for it. Ex has moved to a different area already, whereas im looking to buy in the are we are for DS school, friends etc. Ex housing needs are already met; I'll move in with mum temporarily until a house comes up in our current area. DS has friends down there so I'm not overly concerned about how it will impact him,
I'll figure it out.

Maintenance is already sorted through CMS.

Ex has no interest in 50/50 care and has made it clear he won't contribute to other costs or trips, uniform etc as I took him to CMS (he was lying about his income and threatening to stop maintenance) so this was the best route.

She's putting together a case for it then will
Present to his solicitor. I've made it clear I'll sit tight and won't settle for less than 60/40. She's putting together court costs to present to ex as well as it won't be worth it for him to fight.

How did this work out for you folks?

Honestly you need to be guided by the solicitor. She has the expertise and the relevant facts. We don’t and all our comments are just going to throw in a new measure of dissonance.

Fundamentally the question is whether you are directing the lawyer to do what you want or listening to their advice and guidance. If you are doing the former then the solicitor will do what you demand but it probably won’t be successful. If you have taken their advice and they are confirming this is a reasonable ask then it is.

Sometimes people get more than half the assets. There is no justice in it, it is just how the law works. Normally it doesn't happen where both parents had careers before children, it's just assumed they will both resume work. Invariably only parasites who already get more than they could have ever generated on their own at 50/50 get even more. It's because the law works on needs and these parties are seen as such pathetic losers incapable of looking after themselves by a judge that they are awarded more.

What a charming point of view. You sound quite the catch 🙄

60:40 doesn’t sound unreasonable from what I’ve read but you may need to be a little flexible when push comes to shove to save on drama or stress. If solicitor thinks your chances are good then worth a punt. Good luck.

1. I don't care what you think; and
2. Duly noted you can't refute anything I said.

If there's a child involved it's not as simple as that. They need a home and maintenance payments won't cut it.

They actually need two homes and that is expensive. It requires the weaker financial party to step up and improve their earnings but often that doesn't happen and they expend their energies trying to mooch off their ex instead, whilst having the nerve to blame the ex for their financial situation. So like I said, they get more of the assets because they are pathetic and the law requires judges to take into account their inability to function as adults, not because they deserve them.

I'm sure they can increase their earnings but it will take time and they'll always have those missed years where they've been looking after the kids

You should totally expound your views to anyone you happen to be dating so they can see exactly who you are upfront. So for example, should they experience illness / disability/ have an accident / take time out to raise your joint children or anything else that might impact their future earning power, they'll know that you will forever class them as a 'loser'.

Really, like I said, you're a total catch. Make sure you tell everyone so they can run fast and far so they don't miss out on you!

Many women who ‘sacrifice their careers’ ne er had one to start with, and then expect ex to fund them forever. That’s the issue @BetterFuture1985 has, and rightly so !

It's quite tragic really that in your mind that the only kind of man who is a "catch" is the sort that will happily empty his wallet whenever a relationship ends, or that you think women are so pathetic that they need to depend on an ex for a living. You're exactly the kind of woman I would go to great lengths to avoid having anything to do with.

I have a new partner who entirely agrees with me that when a relationship ends, it ends and that people should stand on their own two feet. She also agrees with me that former SAHPs who feel entitled to have a much easier work schedule than their ex but the same lifestyle are parasites.

I'm glad you have such a simplistic view of the world and that is the only reason you think anyone would want or be awarded more than 50/50. I currently earn more than my STBXH. I know you're bitter about your ex but don't tarnish everyone else with the same brush.

Find me a case where I'm wrong and I will change my mind.

@KateFleming have you had any response from his solicitor re your offer as yet?
Following with interest (and hope!) as I’m in a very similar position.

Hi @WTF202333 not as yet! She'll be drafting it shortly so im just waiting. The equity from house sale will go into a holding account until it's been agreed. I'll keep you updated. Good luck!