Property

[Dana121]

I need advice please. In a situation where ex doesn’t want to sell property or allow me to buy him out ( remortgage) what’s the next steps to follow. Solicitor isn’t giving sufficient advice. Ex has been delaying Divorce for over 5years and wouldn’t sign final paperwork to move on. Is it stressful and expensive to go through the courts next for him being unreasonable

Have you reached agreement on how to split your assets? If not what stage are you at?

There’s little point going to court and paying legal costs over things you could and should be able to settle yourselves. The most common problem in divorces that stall or go to court is related to one or both parties being fixated on an outcome that is neither legally or financially achievable.

Honestly if you are on solid ground with what you are proposing and offering in terms of a settlement you can probably self represent. I wouldn’t recommend it entirely but it is an option.

However I wouldn’t sell or agree to a buy out if no overall settlement has been agreed or if what is being offered is legally unreasonable.

Go speak with a different solicitor. Is your X refusing to sign because of disagreements about pension and savings?

Thanks for your reply. Ex is being difficult. I’ve moved on and met someone new and is bitter. I’ve always paid the mortgage the past 15years. After mediation there was an open agreement that we either sell or one buys the other out. As ex left and I’ve always remained on the property they’ve tried coming back a few times I’ve refused. We’ve been separated 3years now but ex won’t move on. Refusing my buy out at market price . Already has 50% of my pension. Just to get ex off my back I’ve said I can’t afford mortgage anymore. All of a sudden they are now paying first time in 15years. I’ve asked that we sell. No response. This has been going on over a year. Mediation needed February 2022. I’m just frustrated

After mediation there was an open agreement

So was this documented anywhere by the mediator at the time, or any documents signed by you and DH afterwards? If not, then perhaps push for one more mediation session to clarify things and get the mediator to document it all. I believe if a mediator cannot resolve issues then it's straight to court/judge to determine, otherwise it gets court stamped as legally agreed. Your solicitor doesn't seem that good if this is still unresolved 3 years after mediation (if I read your post correctly).

And take back your 50% pension for now. I get you are desperate but if you give away all your bargaining chips then he has no need to sit down with you.

Sounds like you have little option but to apply to court for financial order if mediation failed or ex wants to keep you in limbo forever. Imo mediation is useless if one person wants to be unreasonable.

Taking things further via court be pricey - I was quoted 30k but if you cant get things solved any other way, what option do you have?

I’ve tried everything. My solicitor is rubbish all they ask for is money and to get an appointment I have to keep chasing. She only replies via email.

is it possible to take my pension back?

30k for a court order- so pricey but I have no choice but to look into it.

I’ve asked him that we sell if he doesn’t want me buying him out. As he thinks we will make more money. I said we use the agent if his choice. This was 10days ago. No response. I think he’s being wicked and wants to wait for my remortgage to lapse. It’s been 3months now. It lapses in 6months.

it’s all so stressful.

Unfortunately some solicitors are rubbish. You might be best off speaking to another solicitor and jumping ship to another one. You need a financial agreement signed off by the courts so your divorce can be completed.

If your ex hasn't been willing to agree to reach a reasonable financial agreement in 5 years, do you think anything will change on its own? Some people string divorces out so they can get more of their ex's pensions or whatever. Or he may be looking to get more out of property value rises etc. Or may be he is burying his hand in the sand or wanting to control you.

It sounds like you are best off switching solicitors, getting them to write one more offer to write up a financial consent order and setting out what you want and start attaching timescales to it. i.e a response is required by x date.

If they won't agree after whatever timescales you set yourself, then the next step to get it resolved is an application to court for a financial remedy order. There are significant costs involved the further it all goes on down the line. It depends on the financial risks v benefits I suppose. Could be 20-30k but if he were to settle on first court date could perhaps be 3k - you'd need to get a good solicitor to advise you on likely costs. None of this is cheap though and all of it is stressful unfortunately.

Some people seem happy to let divorces drag on for years but I'm not sure it's very healthy.

I'm not sure what you mean re your ex having 50% of your pension or getting your pension back? What do you mean by this? Did you both get pension valuations? Did you give him cash or what has happened?

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Thank you I’m really thinking of changing solicitors. I’ll have to pay a joining fee again and start all over. Maybe I’ll have luck this time. Ex is definitely controlling! He has the cheek to ask me if he agrees to remortgage I have to tell him how I’ll pay the rent. Owe this his business . I’ve tried everything. I’ve agreed we sell. Still no response… I’m hoping a better solicitor can help now

Yes definitely move solicitors. Probably a case of asking about going straight to application to court for financial remedy - you could try one solicitors letter before court application but beware some solicitors just drag things out to make more money so imo if you want this solving, its a case of 1 solicitors letter only, warning you are putting in application for financial remedy order by set deadlines if he isnt willing to sign financial agreement/ consent order off.

You could get solicitor to write proposal of asset split, give a deadline that they need to agree by x date so a financial agreement can be written up and signed off. If they won't play ball then court. Good luck.

Hi wonder if anyone can advise if have been in similar situation?

Brief outline

Not married we have one child together 2yrs old.
I have a son who’s 19yrs
He has son who’s 10yrs (lives with mother)

Both have a joint mortgage
I own a buy to let (mortgaged) for my pension) as self employed.

Partner left after having an affair, we were mid two storey extension when he left.
Outstanding debt from extension he refuses to pay to make the home safe for our toddler.

Deed of trust in place bigger share to me. Wasn’t able to update deed of trust because affair came out during extension and he left. I’ve paid £20k more into extension then he did.

He refuses contact with our child (impacts me working)

Paying minimum maintenance

We had a lease car which I’ve been driving for years and he used his van. He’s now taking the car from me so I’ve got to find finances to get another car.

Ive been advised by solicitor it’s up to the judge on the day if we go to court. He refuses to mediate and claims he wants all of his equity even though there is outstanding debt and I funded the larger part of the extension.

My MH has been severely impacted as also lost my dad 18 months prior his affair.

Any advice would be helpful.
TIA

Awwww I'm sorry about your situation. I'm very wary of solicitors now, especially after I had a chat with a few of them and most seemed more preoccupied with getting paid rather than helping me through my divorce. I feel like it's insane how many are like this. Anyway, hope you find better luck with the next solicitor. If you want, try this too alongside your new solicitor - https://www.iamlip.com/ it helped me through the entire process when I couldn't use a solicitor and might help you too xxxxxxxx

@Cpsmummy best start your own post for advice

Sorry how do I do that?

@Cpsmummy if you google for mumsnet divorce and separation forum or find the main page for the forum, then near the top there should be a Start new thread option