Kids choosing where to live

[Sadlovingmumma]

If my eldest wants to live with me and her Dad as a 50/50.... and further along down the line, she changed her mind to live with either me (or her Dad) full time. (As she is not sure if that's what she wants right now).

What would happen next? Ie If she want to live with me full time?

Is it going to court?

How old is she?

I think it would depend on how the other parent responds. If you're amicable and agree that she can live with one parent full time then there would be no need to go to court. If you disagree and can't agree under mediation, then court would be necessary. If the child is older, their wishes will be taken into account, unless there is a reason they can't live with one parent.

@TeaKitten 14 y old

@Fourmagpies thank you

At 14, she pretty much gets to decide, and it would be wasted money to go to court. You can work out how much maintenance is due using the online CMS calculator (nothing will be due at 50/50).

If your ex is the higher earner, I expect he’ll be pushing for 50/50 at least so finances are split more equally. Is that the scenario?

It’s not fair to assume that fathers push for 50:50 only being maintenance and more than women refuse it for that reason. Yes it happens but often many fathers want to be an equal parent

at 14, courts won’t want to get involved and will expect you to agree between yourselves. Ultimately if she didn’t want to go they wouldn’t enforce any arrangement either

you’ll need to agree between you

The danger is that if the agreement is 50/50, the financial split of any assets is likely to be too. If the daughter then decides to move in with OP permanently and OP’s been unemployed / on a low wage whilst her ex built a career for the past fifteen years, she and the daughter will end up living on a lot less than if the custody schedule was set with OP as the resident parent from the start.

I do think a flexible schedule is usually the best situation for teens as long as the parents are amicable and can agree on shared ground rules and financial obligations. Even teenagers with parents who live together are terrible for playing them off against each other and it can be even harder if they can flounce off to another home for dramatic effect whenever they want.

Flexible schedule usually means no maintenance either way though which can be unfair if there’s income disparity and the teen ends up mostly in one home.

Hypothetically, what happens if the daughter decides she wants to live with Dad, but Dad doesn't want that (ie he may wish to have a different arrangement). Surely Dad can't be forced to have the daughter live with him?

Nobody would be forced to have the child if they didn’t want to. If a mutually acceptable solution couldn’t be found, the child would be placed with whichever parent would take her, and if nobody would, she’d go into care.

At 14 years old she’ll likely settle with the parent who lives near her friends

Is there a back story? Is she asking to go to both 50/50?

do you agree?

Daughter is asking to go 50/50 (she never heard of it till i mentioned it). i am happy for that.

On the other hand, Dad wants full custody (even though he cant look himself or the kids as im the main carer, even to him!) and is not really agreeing with 50/50 as he told her his reasons (he had no rights to tell her his reasons as he should be supporting her regardless) but will support her if thats what she want!?.... he has been really rubbing it in her, as he said many other things that ive found out off my daughter, making sure that she will live with him full time.

Yes he been building on his business that he earns £11,500 a year, his business paid awful as its not a regular payment job, he can go 3 months not paying the mortgage and bills and then paid it all in one lump sum. It been like that from day 1. So he turned to gambling. He's a gambler, that's why im divorcing him as ive had enough. He wont get a decent regular laid job...may cos of his freedom to the bookies.

So yes thanks so much for all your advices as im still learning as im going along. Alot to be thought and to think ahead.