How did you tell your husband you wanted a divorce?

[Apricotjoy]

What time of day was it? What did you say? Then what happened for the rest of the day?

I'm struggling to find the courage to do this. I have anxiety and knowing what others did will help me

I first told mine over a month ago. I was in the bedroom, he came up, and I just said that I’m not happy and I didn’t feel the same about him. It was around 7-8 pm.
He was really upset, we sat in the lounge talking in the dark, he then asked me to leave and went to sleep on the sofa, crying, sending me paragraphs of text how he can’t believe it’s over, that I was his life etc.

I got scared of his reaction, and felt extremely guilty. I went downstairs in the middle of the night, told him to come back to our bed and we’ll talk in the morning. Next day I made him coffee, and couldn’t bare seeing how hurt he was, so I chickened out and agreed to try again.

The ‘trying’ lasted about a month, but I could tell my heart wasn’t in it anymore. So last Thursday, something happened that made me realise the issues we’ve been having made me fall out of love with him and there’s no turning back. I called him during my lunch break at work, and told him as much. We’ve been texting back and forth, because his processes the information much better when it’s written down. He was still angry and hurt, but this time he took it better. He had and still has answers, but I try to be patient, and answer and apologise for as much as I can.

When I got home that day, he wasn’t home, came back at round 9 pm and went straight to the spare bedroom. It’s where he slept ever since. We had better day yesterday, we had takeaway for dinner and then watched TV together in awkward silence.

Im taking it day by day, trying to be patient with myself and him. Because it’s something I’ve been mentally preparing for for longer, I need to give him time to get over the initial shock before talking about the logistics.

Can I just say, in our case there has been no abuse or anything like that. There’s still a lot of care in our relationship.

Being honest and gentle, but firm in your communication is my best advice.

All the best @Apricotjoy 💐

Sorry, I was rushing.

It should say ‘he still has questions’
not answers.

I just told him straight I wanted a divorce then slapped him with a divorce petition. He'd treated me horribly so I let him know who was boss now and didn't take any more shit from him. He didn't deserve an explanation. There followed tedious arguments and poor little me drama and then aggression so I called the police and had him removed. Best thing I ever did.

My ex had ignored me for two weeks straight because I had not been a supportive wife (in his opinion) and one morning after the DC had gone to school, he came downstairs and stalked past me as usual as if I was invisible. I calmly said I wanted a divorce and went off to work. I knew I meant it with every fibre of my being. He filed for divorce against me as soon as he realised I was serious.

I over thought it so much that in the end I just blurted it out after a night shift when I was tired and grumpy and then really only said, after another argument, I’m so sorry but I’m done, we need to split up and divorce. He said is that it’s, is that what I get, and I just said yes sorry, I’m going to bed. I went to bed in the spare room, felt like the big weight had been lifted off my shoulders, I slept like a baby. Had a conversation the next day and reiterated what I wanted. He was upset then got angry and he thought I’d ruined his life. We lived together for a couple of months while he found somewhere to live. He still hates me, it’s was 15 years ago now. But then he was a prick which is why I left him 🤷‍♀️I have no feelings about it really. Think you just have to do it when you know it’s right.

I filed for divorce and told dh a fortnight later..

First thing in the morning after yet another sleepless night. I just couldn't hold it in any longer.

Mine was a bit more complicated. We had been having difficulties for a while. He was really difficult. He had been ignoring all my requests to sort things out and continually picked arguments. I went out one night, got extremely drunk, kissed a male friend, went home and told him. This event resulted in 2 counselling sessions then one night he blew out the counsellor for a drink with some mates. I went on my own, came back and told him it was over.

What was difficult is that I was never 100% sure it was the right decision when we were together. He would frequently say our relationship was similar to other couples and that I should be grateful for the life he gave me (the micro-managing was incessant though). Sometimes the boundary between abuse and difficult behaviour can be a bit blurry. What I learnt from it is that even if it's not abuse in a conventional form, I don't want to spend the rest of my life in an argument with the person I'm meant to be in love with.