Husband walked out

[Givemeagin]

my husband is 10 years younger than me and when we first got together we tried for a baby natural and IVF both failed. He raised my daughter from age 7 and she’s 19 now. Last week he suddenly turned round and said he wasn’t in love with me and is leaving. Says his need for a baby killed his love for me and he’s gone!
I am broken I feel like I’ve lost my soul mate and best friend! But I can’t believe he could treat me like this

@Givemeagin

I'm so sorry. My (ex) husband of 20 years did the same last year - walked out - except for me it was after IVF had finally worked and turned out he regretted that it worked 😳

All I can say is take it a day at a time - don't make medium or even long term Plans - take control back by getting the divorce process rolling and getting affairs in order

It will be a roller coaster of emotions over the next few weeks and months. But you'll be surprised how strong you can be x

I'm sorry he has done this in the most horrendous way. If it really seems out if the blue then would hesitate a guess that either he is having some sort of personal crises/mental health/fear of mortality/mid life crisis thing. Or he's met someone else and is reframing his issue with having no bio child as the reason

I am heartbroken! We were still intimate, been looking at paint for the living room I literally had no idea! He’s just walked out and him saying he’s tried to love me but can’t makes me feel worthless!

I don’t think he has someone else but then again I didn’t know he didn’t love me

Please don't hang your worth on whether someone else wants you. You had value before you met him, whilst you were with him and now. Your worth is not contingent on a particular person wanting or not wanting you. Of course you are reeling and you may well find lots of things start coming out now that you didn't know. Use them to further reinforce that the relationship was not the best thing for you. I have no idea why he did what he did. There could be 100 reasons but I suspect nine of them are related to some deficit of yours 💐

I just can’t seem to get over it! My head is whizzing and all I want to do is speak with him and for him to tell me it’s a big mistake he’s changed his mind!

Cherchez la femme!

There will be one, one offering another run at a family of his own.

I'm so sorry.

You're stronger than you think. Put on your brave face & crack on with the practicalities. Cry here or with one/two good friends

Don't get into the has he hasn't he got someone else. He has or he hasn't it will make no difference except make you feel even more anxious on top of the upset you are going through. It's a MN obsession .

You need to focus on YOU not him or why he has done this cruel thing.

Try to do at least one thing a day to make yourself feel loved. As a pp said. You had worth before you met him. That hasn't changed.

It really won’t seem it right now, but I promise you it gets easier the pain eases. Put everything into yourself, go out, meet with friends do it for you, I promise he will end regretting this but by the time he does you will realise al you need is you, ur friends and family.

Ok, take a look at the grief pathway- it applies to any relationship breakup
It’ll help you understand that what you’re feeling is normal, why you feel how you do, and what to expect you will feel as you come to terms with this

secpjdpy, go to link for ADVICE NOW at top of this board. There are guides there to take you through the process of separation or,divorce. Whilst you mightn’t be ready to start it, getting information about the process, your rights etc can help you brought the scary part of financial and child arrangments

I miss him so much! I just can’t understand how someone who was my best friend hid it so well and just cut me off
I’ve joined a Pilates and boot camp class as I wfh and the days and nights are so long! I just want to keep texting him

It’s a massive shock my hubby left and since he’s said he’s been unhappy ages but we were buying a house etc so I had no idea. The heart break and the betrayal stays in a way but I’m only 11 weeks down the line and while it still hurts you will find some strength within you, I’m at a bit of a point now where unless it’s to do with our little one I just don’t wanna speak to him because that dragged me back to more pain. You will find a way I promise

I didn’t have a clue either! My daughter from a previous relationship is 19 and she’s in contact with him. He texts me asking to come and see the dogs! I’ve told him would rather not for a while as I don’t want to see him

Sorry this has happened to you as well

OP, if he is using his " need for a baby " as the explanation for no longer loving you. It is at least possible that he has found someone with whom he wants to have a child.

No matter how much you want it to be so, you cannot make someone love you when they no longer love you .

You may have thought of him as your best friend, and you may even be or have been his best friend. He may on some level still think of you as a friend. What he is wanting to no longer be is your partner and your lover.

You must begin to plan for a future that does not include him. Regardless of what you may be telling yourself, your life did not begin on the day that you met him, and nor will it end now that he is gone.

You are a person in your own right. Your identity is not tied to him. Rediscover those things that interest you. Paint the room in whatever color that makes you happy. Do not discuss your daughter's visits with him. Let their relationship evolve as it will without your knowledge or input. She is an adult, and he has separated from you but not necessarily from her.

Begin seeking legal advice, and find a counselor for yourself if necessary. You denigrate your life by wanting someone who does not want you.That my be a brutal statement, but your life has too much value to waste it grieving over a relationship that no longer exist. He was your yesterday, but it is up to you to create and control your tomorrows.