Maybe I thought the grass was greener

[Namechange596]

I'm separated 2 years, have a 5 year old son.
When I first left my husband, I remember feeling elated, almost euphoric at being free and excited for the future. I had been unhappy for a couple of years and then finally bit the bullet and told him I wasn't in love with him anymore. I have an A4 page of reasons why I left, he has alcohol issues, depression, mood swings, paranoia and other stuff. However he was loyal, he was a hard worker and he was always there for me if for example I was unhappy in a job and wanted to leave etc, so I never worried about bills or the mortgage.
Anyway 2 years on, and the reality has hit. I've dated a few absolute losers, who were womanizers and so couldn't trust them, ( I never worried about that sort of stuff with my ex)
I'm also facing having to fend for myself financially etc and trying to get a mortgage in the future, basically things I never had to worry about when I was with my ex.
I also feel guilty for leaving, he's not a bad person, but I just fell out of love, and we bickered a lot, sex was a chore. I thought I had processed the guilt but it has come back.
I don't know what I'm asking here , maybe some reassurance that I did the right thing.

You did the right thing. You divorced him for a reason! You're just doubting yourself. If it were true regret, you would have felt like this immediately afterwards, but you didn't! You felt elated! Remember that feeling and push any others to the side.

The drinking, mood swings and paranoia are enough but you know, you don't have to have a concrete reason for ending a relationship. It's honestly up to you, but if it makes you feel any better I think you absolutely did the right thing. This will pass. I'd steer away from dating though for a bit and work on improving life generally. The rest will come, I'm sure.

He was part of your life and you will always be comparing other men with him. It's normal. It's like damned if you stay with him or vice versa. You have done the right thing, no point in living with him just for your financial security and loyalty as he needs to feel loved too which you couldn't do. You have done him a favour.
In regard to your dating, you have not found the right person yet. When you have found one, you will feel different. Hang in there. Getting out of the comfort zone is not easy but it will get easier over the time.

@LancashireSquirrel thank you. Needed to hear this tonight. I think now the dust has settled and as I haven't met anyone worthwhile it's making me doubt myself but I know I was miserable with him and I actually left him for 5 weeks a few years prior to the final breakup, I went back to try again and it a few years later I was still unhappy. I need to keep remembering that and also I was so ecstatic at the thought of being single again and no longer being tied down to him, it never dawned on me to go back and try again.

@MaryKateDanaher thank you. Yes I am definitely staying away from online dating, it's been nothing but a let down. Ironically I met my ex on a dating site.
I think deep down I know I made the right decision. If I was to go back , I know within a month or less I would be regretting it. I left for so many reasons and I mulled it over in my head for a couple of years before I actually said it out loud to him

@redrobininmygarden you're so right. The only reasons I'm doubting myself is because he was loyal, I could trust him, he wasn't a player and also he offered the financial stability which I currently don't have. These are not proper reasons to stay with someone. I have to ask would I want to have sex with him again and the answer is no, would I want to deal with his drinking again, no definitely not.

The hardest part of breaking up with someone is that they're rarely all bad. If they were then it would be super easy to do. The things you're missing show you the elements you want to look for in a new partner. And yes some things like finances just are harder on your own unfortunately.

@Ilovetea42 thank you. Yes I was so happy at leaving and wanted to leave so much that I never sat and thought about consequences and what my life would be like on my own in terms of finances. I definitely want to be able to trust someone again and not worry if they are seeing other people

Please offer your candid views on how to handle my situation (I’ll give a short summary 😊)
I was happily married for 11 years, excellent sex life, social life, 2 awesome boys and we worked together too. We seemed to have it all!!
13 Nov 2020, out of the blue he said he no longer wanted me but of course the boys.
my life spiralled into hell. He moved out pretty much all the time, living in a camper van. I managed the boys, the home, my emotions, the boys emotions and my husbands emotions as to what exactly was going on. Plus we kept going into lock down so was home working/home schooling.
He said he wanted to find himself and loved me but was no longer in love with me.
8 Feb 2021 I had an anonymous message saying he was having an affair with our newest recruit at work.
We decided to try but he wasn’t committed he sold the house and we got divorced all within 7 months 😱
I moved in with my parents and 2 boys into a double room.
August 2021 he goes to Spain working and decides he has made a huge mistake and wants me back. Gullible and foolishly I say we would try.
Back and forward we go, dating, working together and keeping the children in the dark as I didn’t want them being hurt or let down again.
For months he is uncommitted and only interested in 1 thing, sex.
Fast forward to 1 Dec 2022 and I get another anonymous text from someone he has been seeing since Pre November 2020 and has been throughout our “trying”
yet again I fall for his manipulating bull and we try……
In my heart I knew it was not right but with the boys, working together and our lives so ingrained into our each other, it was easy…. Or so I thought!
We went to a festival on 13 May and I posted on Facebook, which I never ever do, to see if anything or anyone would crawl out of the woodwork
On 14 May, his lover who messaged me on 1 Dec made contact again and only on 8 may, the week prior to the festival, he had taken her to Zip world in wales.
he managed to convince me she was lying because he had been in Bradford at a photoshoot.
monday 15 May at work a speeding ticket for him comes through for Wales for 8 May
he caught himself out.
his excuse… he needed closure
Since then she has sent me a tonne of emails they’ve exchanged where he has promised us both the same 💩
I am done with this man but he will not leave me alone.
we work in the same business (his dads) and I am desperately looking for a new job.
he calls all the time, turns up and continues to tell me he will never stop as he will prove he is a good person (hilarious right)
He calls the boys all the time, is a pest and I am hoping over time he will back off
any advice ….