Hi, ex boss here ….I’m an introvert nd frankly used to have to grin and bear the personal crap my reports would want to talk to me about…it was a real effort to do the “soft fluffy stuff” rather than giving in to my urge to just get down to the business of their objectives
BUT: I would listen. Knew that it was part of my role to make a safe space for them to discuss things that were worrying them, and being aware that if there was shit going on at home it was better I knew so that I was prepared if they needed urgent time off, some sick leave for stress, or performance took a knock.
as much as anything I had a duty of care. I worked for a company big enough to have both occ health on site, and access to a confidential 24 hr help line. One of the things I could usefully do was to signpost the help line, and to ask, if it was a longer term issue, if they wanted a referral to occ help to discuss temporary adjustments.
also, I was in a way, flattered, that they felt I was a safe person to talk to , and I achieved that my showing my own vulnerabilities . Each of my team knew for instance, at a high level, that I was career for my then husband who had severe and enduring mental health issues, and that meant I’d sometimes need to drop everything and make a dash.
yes, at times I found it difficult to know what to say, let alone do. I once ended up crying as one of my team shared her late miscarriage which wasn’t helpful to her and I felt awful about it. I had a very macho bloke break down in tears about his daughter with mental health problems that had emerged- he’d clearly not even shown his wife his emotions (his wife worked in same building) and he did it because he knew I knew something about mental health system.
I learnt to expect everything, that I had to make time, and that my time and a listening ear paid back in dividends (literally) with a team who felt supported, listened to and were therefore prepared to go above and beyond when the company needed it - swings and arrows and all that
as a boss if you treat people with respect and dignity it will make your own life as their boss easier in the end, even though at times I’d gladly of run out the room to avoid listening.
If you’ve a decent boss they know this. They’ll suck it up, ask how you are next meeting. Just thank them for listening, apologies lightheartedly for having a bad day and say you are now coping better. Or, if you’re not coping tell them that, thank them for listening and then tell them how you are going to get the support you need.
please do not tie yourself up with shame. That’s not a helpful emotion. If your boss has any experience of managing people and has any emotional intelligence they’ve been there before, and won’t hold it against you in any way. We are all human.