Doesn’t see the children as his own physical responsibility

[Jellyfishcat]

Can anyone help. ExDP works abroad and has no consistency to work at all. We have two young children. He literally disappears for months at a time and just demands a a schedule for when it suits him. Is this really how I’m going to have to live the rest of my life. How is it fair on the kids?

The summer holidays are coming up and he made a big deal about how her would be home for it. Only the reality is that’s not the case. I offered him some consistent hours on a schedule for each week. Instead 3 weeks of that time is now to be taken up by work. Although two weeks I’m almost certain he is off abroad to see the OW he had an affair with. He tells me I am being unfair and selfish. Am I? He basically lives his life renting air BnBs and cars and lives out of a suitcase swanning around the world.

Does anyone have any advice for my sanity? I feel like he doesn’t see my perspective at all because he throws money at the situation.

Basically I’m suppose to do all the parenting to facilitate him paying off his mortgage and doing what he wants at the expense on my own ability to have a decent career. But it’s ok because he pays me money. I feel like the hired help or something it’s really getting to me.

would you consider he has an active parenting role?

I think the only thing you can do for your sanity is accept that he is shit and going to stay that way. Stop expecting him to be anything else. It's not right but you can't make him stay around and parent.

I understand why you are angry, frustrated and feel let down.

But for your own sake you must stop looking at this man for a rational response is not going to be coming from his direction.

Enjoy his money, get as much as you can and build a nice life for yourself.

It is not nice that you have been lumbered with the responsibility for your children alone but imagine him taking them off you and you not having them at all.

Forgiveness is the best form of self interest

he was an appalling husband and an even worse father - don’t expect him to change but change you reaction to him to help yourself move forwards

I think you are both right I need to work on some kind of acceptance of the situation. I just feel desperately sad for the children and their lack of father.

He doesn't want to be a husband or parent.
A close friend had a similar situation. Over the years her H came home less and less. He kept her very short of money.
After 20 years she realised that he had come home for 1 day out of the year. Her dc was starting university.
She divorced him and eventually married a lovely, kind man.
Ex had been living with another woman for decades and stashed most of his money offshore.
As pp have said, work out what you want, but accept that he will not change.

We've moved this thread to our Divorce/Separation topic at the OP's request.

Sounds really tough.

As pp have said I Willis organise yourself as if he is unavailable and he will then have to fit round that routine.