I've lost me 😔

[MumofLandD]

I asked OH to leave 18 months ago after finally realising that he just wasn't a nice guy (after 25 years together and 2 kids aged 9 and 12). The frustration of shit conversation, no fun, constant put downs led into gaslighting and verbal and emotional abuse and I could stand no more. With all my strength, after he refused to go to couples counselling because it was all my fault and I just needed to stop nagging, I kicked him out and we share the kids 50/50.
But I'm lost! I don't know who I am anymore. I was a full time mum, full time housewife, part time health care worker and now my role has changed and all the peace and quiet and time I wished for to myself is long and lonely. I miss my kids so much when they are with him. My 2 closest friends moved away, I lost a few friends who took his side and think I'm mad for ending it and basically don't believe me. I have other friends but they work full.time.and have husbands and kids full time.
I have had disaster after nightmare after struggle since he left, with a close friend dying unexpectedly, witnessing a child get run over, money troubles, a stressful job, etc, etc and have addressed these with CBT, regular meditation, and starting HRT but I just feel.like I don't know who I am anymore or what I want or what my future looks like.
Anyone come through the other side?

You just have to keep on going op. It's very hard.

Sounds like you have the opportunity to find yourself!

What did you like doing when you were young and free? What books do you like? What exercise challenges have you got? What hobbies interest you? What have you always dreamed of doing?

it’s time!

I just wanted to say that if you have good friends who you trust don’t count them out just because they work full time & have families. I’d be horrified to think that a friend of mine wasn’t leaning on me for support if she needed it despite me having a busy life. Activate all your networks OP XX

The thing with finding yourself is it feels hard at the time. Then you get through to the other side and it feels worth it. Start small. Do something that you couldn’t have done when your ex was around. That could be binge watching movies that he hated or taking up a hobby that he would have put you off.

I was left and I felt lost. So I did all the things he advised me not to do and I have a much better life now because of doing those things.

Hi.
You will get things in order and it's a case of being patient and find new friends, things you like to do, find the new you as there will be a different version of you now.
It probably feels like you are a long way off from anything positive but it will arrive and you have to believe in this.

I think this process can put lots of uncertainty and trust of others and our future in question but have faith that your decision to move on will be the right outcome.
I wish you well for the future.

@MumofLandD You just need to find yourself again. Bit of a cliche I know. What motivates you?

@MumofLandD i hear you, and i am you.

Told my husband, who sounds just like yours i wanted a divorce 4 months ago and my brain is fried!!!

Life is calmer, the kids are happier, they're teens so choose when they see him, which isn't often, but even then i hate it. I know he doesn't treat them right and thats part of the reason for the divorce. Thankfully they're old enough to know that and be making their own decisions.

But me, i feel like i should be on cloud nine, and also that i feel guilty to be so relieved but life was so much harder with him.

I feel totally lost, i don't know who i am anymore, i feel like its going to be like the grieving process with stages and transitions and lots of rebuilding.

We can do this

It sounds like you need more time to adjust

Secondly, life doesn't always work out how we expect it to. There are the good times & the bad times.

Appreciate the simple things

Find something that interests you, something old, something new

Can you work FT ?