I been married for 11 years and my ex left last month. I'm not ethnically English but have lived in London most of my life.
We have three primary age children and my heart breaks for them. They love their father. I'm not stopping them see him, but they want him back. I have also been told numerous times that they have never seen us arguing.
How can I help them with this?
He has stolen money from me, hidden money, I caught him online dating. Final straw was when he actively encouraged me to buy a holiday when he knew he had taken half the monthly bill money (dh out of character had given me the monthly house money in cash and i was ment to deposit it the day after). If I knew that was gone I would not have booked the holiday. He took the money and spent it on activities with his friends.
Instead I had to go and ask/ beg family for a loan. I always made sure not to argue in front of the dc. But I can't be with a man who is that financially irresponsible. I asked him to leave and he refused. I called his brother who took him. Well he called ahead and told him not to make a scene in front of dc. Before he left he told dc, he has been a bad husband and that I'm kicking him out.
The dc feel tricked, because we didn't argue in front of them. My middle dc keeps telling me he didn't see any arguing and it's been very hard to breath since the divorce. He used to do meditation and breathing exercises with his dad. He misses it.
But paying for essentials like water and gas bill is more important than living in the same house as their father. Right? I'm done 100% but the dc are tugging very hard at my heart strings.
I only work part-time and in a minimal wage job, where ex earned £75k job last year. But he quit it few months ago, as he said he got burnt out. Any other time, I might have believed him. I suspect he wasn't happy that I saw his p60 last year. We never had joint bank account and last time I enquired about his income he was on £30k annually.
When I saw he got £75k last year, the following month he had switched jobs, to ease his burden at work. And he started to do less work until he quit few months ago. It is just to suspect that he would get burnt-out as soon as I see his p60. He said he will work freelance when there is a need.
I got the job, because money was very tight and he didn't increase the money he sent me in four years. So I picked up an adhoc part time job, for when I could get free childcare. I bought clothes second hand and we lived as fruggaly as possible (including selling the car).
I DO NOT KNOW WHAT HE DID WITH THE MONEY. Everyone asks me this and he even took all our savings. It is true I didn't ask for much and I got a job when he said he can't affordd to support us any further financially.