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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Separating but now to move forward with the practicalities

5 replies

Definitelynotme2022 · 31/05/2023 12:18

So we've made the decision to separate after 18 years together, it's all very amicable but I'm struggling to see how we actually physically make it happen.

We bought our house 13 months and had previously been renting, so have 17 years to go on the mortgage due to our ages. It's also a bit of a project. We were going to knock down walls etc, but obviously that isn't happening so I'll just have to redecorate and new flooring as and when.

We have 2 x dc - 1 in college and the other just about to finish primary school. We also have 3 dogs.

Both work full time.

At the moment he's still at home, but we're struggling to find a way to actually afford for him to move out. Does anybody have any advice?

OP posts:
SaxSick · 31/05/2023 13:51

Can he afford to rent a small place? Maybe you have to come to an agreement that he continues to pay towards the mortgage and when the youngest is 18 you sell the house and split the equity?

BetterFuture1985 · 31/05/2023 14:49

Definitelynotme2022 · 31/05/2023 12:18

So we've made the decision to separate after 18 years together, it's all very amicable but I'm struggling to see how we actually physically make it happen.

We bought our house 13 months and had previously been renting, so have 17 years to go on the mortgage due to our ages. It's also a bit of a project. We were going to knock down walls etc, but obviously that isn't happening so I'll just have to redecorate and new flooring as and when.

We have 2 x dc - 1 in college and the other just about to finish primary school. We also have 3 dogs.

Both work full time.

At the moment he's still at home, but we're struggling to find a way to actually afford for him to move out. Does anybody have any advice?

Private sector shared ownership for both of you?

BetterFuture1985 · 31/05/2023 14:52

SaxSick · 31/05/2023 13:51

Can he afford to rent a small place? Maybe you have to come to an agreement that he continues to pay towards the mortgage and when the youngest is 18 you sell the house and split the equity?

The shorter term of the mortgage suggests the parties are older and this might work now but will have dire problems for both parties in the long term. The resident parent will have to be able to come up with another 50% of equity in their 50s and this won't be enough for the non-resident to buy for the same reason.

It's better to both get locked into today's prices rather than tomorrow's.

Original poster
Definitelynotme2022 · 31/05/2023 15:40

Thank you for your replies.

Yes, we are older - I'm 52 and he's 4 years younger. Hence the terms of our mortgage. We could have taken longer, but decided to just do it as it was affordable. But adding another £1500 a month for rent, rates, gas and electricity does really push us to the extreme.

We were hoping not to have to sell the house as we wanted to give the dc's some stability and same-ness, ds11 is ND and struggles with change. He's still hugely upset that this is even being talked about, never mind his df actually moving out.

I guess we'll just have to suck it up and get on with it!!

OP posts:
febrezeme · 31/05/2023 17:32

SaxSick · 31/05/2023 13:51

Can he afford to rent a small place? Maybe you have to come to an agreement that he continues to pay towards the mortgage and when the youngest is 18 you sell the house and split the equity?

Highly unlikely

Not for 7 years and what you are talking about is a mesher and the OP would be expected to cover the mortgage herself.

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