Hi everyone,
Would appreciate any advice from those with experience of separating with young children. My partner has drained me dry financially as I've managed to buy him out of our shared property and 30k of his own personal debt is in the mortgage we're separating as he has perfectionism, ocd which verges on coercive control which I couldn't live with anymore. To say I'm done with the relationship is an understatement he is still living in our house until end of July. He has always led on putting our 4yr old to bed (as when came from work pre covid that would be the time he sees her) however because he's done that when she wakes in the morning she now always asks for him...I feel shunned a lot by my daughter he has also tended to drop her at nursery x2 days a week because he drives and I don't he always carrying her in and she's always tearful at drop off. I'm now picking her up more since she moved to the new close by nursery and have always look after her on Fridays as I don't work on that day. He says yes to everything she wants never enforces boundaries and babies her, never encouraging independence. He still spoon feeds her her meals dresses her and wipes her bum my style of parenting is different I aim to encourage her to do things for herself particularly as she's going to school this year but because of the bed time and as he does more of the drop offs and she wouldn't accept me doing them. I find it hurtful when she wakes and asks for him (to the point that I don't get her up in the morning as the first thing she does is ask where he is as is worried he's not at home (this might be prompted by the fact I asked him to spend a Fri nights at his mums when we a month or so ago) after all I've done to keep a stable home over her head and put up with all of his ocd behaviour I'm at the end of my thether. I've already had to speak to him about the bed time routine it would go on forever and he could never put boundaries in place he finally took my advice and things are better on that front. I'm concerned when we separate she'll struggle and be continually asking for him on the days she's with me. We'll split custody 50/50. Any advice on how others have handled this? I think she tends to ask for him because she knows that she'll get what ever she wants when we wants it...she tends to whine more with him to get her way....do I stop being the parent that enforces any rules? Or Stick as I am? Tips for the rejection I feel when she asks for him every morning?...I had no idea when I embarked on parenthood this is the kind of journey I'd be on...