Can anyone recommend any books to help with healing after heartbreak?

[howtocope]

Just that really. H and I have separated. I thought our relationship might improve with a bit of space but he has zero interest in spending time with me. I'm seeing a therapist but always find a book helpful. I'm suffering with the feelings of rejection, low self esteem, grief, struggling with the children's emotions (though they're late teens, early 20s) and just the loss. We'd been together 31 years.

Also financial anxiety. I've been a stay at home mum for 20 years. Have applied for loads of jobs but don't even get interviewed. Starting from scratch in my 50s is terrifying.

I've found Rosie Green's 'How to mend a broken heart' and Helen Thorn's 'Get Divorced get happy' really helpful, and have also listened to Rosie Green's podcast. Also Guy Winch has a book on healing heartbreak that is a quick read , he also has a Ted talk on Youtube. Hope you have support from friends and family too - I couldn't have got through without them.

Thanks so much, Grounded. Will look those up right now.

I found [[The Soul-Soaring Virtues of Separation: 111 Learnings to Heal Your Heart and Help You Fly
https://amzn.eu/d/7XkMszx book really life changing. It helped my focus on the things I can control and my well-being. However I wasn’t heartbroken at my separation, it had been building for years , so I felt more relieved. This book helped me explore my feelings and I felt empowered by this- still do. 7 mo the on from split I dip in and out of it when I need to.

Meant to add it really helped me to manage feelings of anxiety, especially at 3am on those long and sleepless nights. @howtocope its such a tough thing to go through- I promise it will get better little by little 🌸

Thanks, threeandme. That sounds perfect.

Had one of those 3am anxiety sessions last night. Like you, I felt this was coming for years. H told me in lockdown that he didn't have romantic feelings for me anymore. I think he would've just continued on as things were, but it became intolerable for me.

I think my heartache is less focused on H and more about the loss of what I thought my life, especially my final years, would be like. We sold the family home and I'm in a very nice, but small, modern flat. It's just not the same. I'm financially insecure. I'm often lonely. I've been ill this weekend and, even though H wasn't a great support, he was there.

I can't imagine what my future holds. At the moment, it just feels like my life is over.

@howtocope it sounds like you are in a really tough place. It’s so hard coming to terms with so much change and grieving for the loss of the future you’d imagined. It takes a lot of time. You just have to be patient, take it moment by moment and day by day. Do you have friends or family near by? Having a good support network helps, and a friend or two who can listen when you feel overwhelmed.

I am sorry you feel lonely. When I feel alone it helps to write things down in my journal and process feelings. I have got into running (I wouldn’t have dreamed of running in a million years)- couch to 5k is good and made a huge difference to my MH. I have also started watching all the seasons of ER on 4OD- this will occupy me for years!

on a serious note it does take time to get used to being alone and to be content with your own company. Lean on others if you can, it helps. I realised that in reality I felt far lonelier in my marriage than I do now, 7 months down the track.

it will be hard, but I promise you your life is not over, this is a new beginning, a massive change and the unknown is daunting, but it will be ok.