Financially abused during marriage and now divorcing but will lose again.

[Dock5481]

I am divorcing my partner of 16 years, been separated for 5 years. During our marriage I was financially abused e.g., stopped from working, when I did find work, I was out of the workforce for so long I could only find entry level roles and was sabotaged by him when I tried to go for promotion.

Moved out and back in with family 5 years ago and rebuilt my life. Filed for divorce and have been granted the decree nisi.
I have the kids 100% of the time, he only picks them up on a Sunday afternoon at 13:30 and takes them for lunch then drops them off at 19:30.
He currently pays £300 per month in total child maintenance for 3 children and a few expenses when convenient.

The issue is that he has refused to provide information for the financial order. Refused mediation and did not turn up for the child arrangements order court hearing. During the last 2 years he has bought 2 properties - we were previously renting. He has set up a business and registered a limited company last year.

After leaving, I managed to get promoted at work, I don’t earn a huge amount but we can scrape by. I have a pension and bought a property recently for the kids and I to live in.
He refuses to agree to a suggested parenting plan – and is basically living a Bachelor lifestyle.

What are my options here? He can declare anything as evident by the child maintenance figure.

I am wondering if pursuing him financially will be detrimental to me now as he has hidden everything and what I have will be open and documented. I only want a decent life for the kids, I am going without as I cover everything else - you can imagine how much two tweens and a tween cost and £300 per month from him hardly makes a dent in the costs.

Help please as I feel like he is getting away with such rubbish behaviour.

Apply to the court for a financial hearing. He will have to submit a Form E with all his financial details on (as will you).

A little tip for the next time you get divorced 😉Never agree to the divorce before you've agreed the finances.

I am in Spain. However, in the same position as you. Husband even changed our
"marital regime"with a "post nup" (he is Spanish, I am British) Has bought property etc like your husband. His lawyer refuses to even engage with my lawyer.

Please listen to me. GO TO COURT. You need to find the right lawyer (but it will be easier for you as you speak the language!)
It is laughable and he is hiding assets/properties/denying you and your DCs their rights. The courts will see it.

It is domestic abuse. Simple as that. He is controlling you with financially.

Thanks for the reply Chowtime.

He won't submit anything or attend anything 🙄. I have been filing all the paperwork. I thought that I had taken care of the finance element of things as I ticked the box that said that I wanted a financial order to be lodged - thought that that would be automatically considered before the decree nisi was granted??

Really feel for you @adriftabroad It's a kick in the teeth isn't it?
I can't stretch to a lawyer right now - have cut expenses left right and centre.

Will get some more quotes and see if I can get some help even just a little bit to get a nudge in the right direction.

From my understanding you file for decree nisi which is the start of the process, then file for the financial order. Once finances have been rubber stamped by the court that is the time for apply for decree absolute. You aren't divorced yet.

Do you have enough money to get a solicitor to get the financials into court? If Ex still refuses to give details a judge can make him or decide for him.

@Pixiedust1234 Thanks for your reply. I am at the decree nisi stage. I ticked the box when I applied for the divorce to state that I wanted to sort out finances.

Spoke to a solicitor earlier this year and the prices are out of my budget right now. Still thinking about my options right now.