Hello, hope someone can share their experience of the following...I will absolutely be seeking legal advice shortly, just wondering what options i might want to discuss though.
Decided i want to look at separating from H and thinking about financials. Together 23 years, married almost 20. Two children, 18 (just about to head off to uni) and 16.
Ive always worked full time, kids were born overseas and there was no maternity leave. I've always been the higher earner, currently earn 3x spouse, who is on minimum wage, however he also receives a military pension (not from UK) which pays around £1200 a month and so almost doubles his total income. He also has a very small NEST pension.
There's about £130k equity in the house, significant mortgage left.
I have 10 years' civil service pension which will start paying in about 15 years. And i also have £70k in a SIPP (was formerly a collection of small pensions from former employers which I pulled into one pension). I'm in my 50s but this is the total of my pension provision, I cashed out my overseas pensions years ago to pay off spouse's debts so we could buy our home.
Ive had enough and want to end things, divide up our assets, both of us start over. I've no interest in child maintenance, both kids are older now, I doubt he would ever actually pay it and don't want that stress in my life, and I can afford to support them both.
But, i need to sort out house equity and pensions. Ideally I'll buy him out of the house for 50% equity (the maths isn't great but it's doable; it's not the end if the world if I can't, but I do like the house and would like to stay here at least until the kids properly fly the nest for good).
Pensions, though...would his military pension be included in assets as income (as it's already being paid out) meaning I should expect to give up the 50% of my SIPP which was earned during the marriage (around £20k of it was earned prior to marriage) and 50% of my civil service pension?
Or, would we get a CETV and offset it against the total CETV of my civil service and SIPP pensions? The latter would mean the pensions basically wash as my calculations suggest we have much the same. But then, I may need to pay him spousal maintenance as my income will then 'appear' to be significantly higher than his current monthly wage.
To be clear: I've no interest in taking any of his military pension and I doubt a UK court could force pension sharing of a foreign pension in any case. I want a clean break and not to have to deal with his shenanigans ever again. But it's only fair that this significant income which he receives, is accounted for one way or another (either income, or CETV). I don't feel I should have to completely ignore it, and potentially pay both spousal maintenance and give up half my pensions as well.
We have very little savings, I've battled for years to accrue any assets at all for us as spouse is not financially responsible and it's been a constant cycle of him quietly running up debt, me finding out and paying it off, and round and round. This is a massive part of me having had enough now (that, and his awful temper). I want the chance to start over and build a new life whilst there's still time. We have enough in savings to support the kids through 3 years of college each, if they choose; he can have half of that money, of course, and I'll have to figure out how to make up the difference for the kids.
Hope someone can help and share their experience i a similar situation?
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