Help with splitting finances while still living together

[missmouse1969]

My partner of 21yrs and I agreed to seepage last year. We're still living together while we sell the house.

He has always paid the fixed bills, mortgage, utilities, house insurance.

I cover food, children's clothes, school lunches, clubs, tutors, holidays, birthdays basically anything other than the fixed bills.

I am self employed and work my day around the children's drop off and pick up times. I earn significantly less than he does and his portion of monthly expenses is higher than mine.

He now wants everything split down the middle which I cannot afford to do. If I got a 9-5 job the children (our 3 children are at primary school) then we would need to pay for before school and after school childcare.)

Can anyone advise please?

To be honest I would say it's fair to split it in half. Sounds like you pay more already. Tot up everything you pay, and charge your time out at your normal hourly wage, or how much it will cost to get a childminder to pick the kids up so you can carry on working and he will soon pipe down. Our food bill is more than rent and I am sure is more than your mortgage. You will be paying less.

Thank you. I'll do this.

I can't blame him for wanting a 50/50 split. Between you you then need to find and pay for childcare

Thank you. I don't blame him either. What about time away from the house. I would like to go and meet friends perhaps one or two evenings per week. He doesn't want to go out at all and would rather stay at home and I would like time on the house without him being here. Can an arrangement like this be enforced before the house is sold and we go our separate ways?

Half and half in the near future rather than immediately would be a fair outcome (maybe over a period of 6 months?). That will be long enough for you to find a job (if your children are in primary school, you will be expected to work at least 25 hours a week). If you have a claim to universal credit, you can receive 85% of the childcare costs for at least two of the children, possibly all three. You can split the rest with your ex 50/50.

On the housing question, agreeing who can and can't use it? I don't think that would be reasonable whilst you are both living there to be honest.

Have you negotiated the childcare split for after the house is sold? What will that look like?

If he is splitting costs 50/50 then it should move to the new child responsibility and him paying maintenance if you’re taking on more too.

Ie you shouldn’t be paying half the costs plus curtailing your career for the children if that makes sense.

Thank you everyone for your replies they have been very helpful