Does it get worse before it gets better? Divorce not started yet

[Helpots]

H left me nearly 8 weeks ago, I should be relieved really but I seem to have descended into an almighty uncontrollable depression and I never knew I could feel like this.

Went on holiday with 20yr old DD last week, had a good enough time although was hard seeing couples together but having cried almost every day since august (when it all started going wrong) I had 3 days of non-crying and thought maybe I was improving. Wrong - I crashed towards the end of the week and started having the dark thoughts that I was having at the beginning of the separation.

I started crying at 1pm yesterday and have hardly stopped since. DD just commented to me that she thought I was past this stage

I still love my H, but he's ghosted me, and he's not a very nice person.

Is it normal to still feel this low 8 weeks in? I'm wondering whether other issues have caught up with me, infertility, gynae, health problems plus dealing with H's mental health. I think I've ridden it out for so long and it's all just hit me now

Any advice appreciated

You are putting far too much pressure on yourself. You are grieving and have faced a trauma.
This is a lot to process, please stop questioning your thoughts and feelings - I promise this is all normal.
sending love

Bless you - very normal, but try to do this to your friends and family, not DD - I know she is 20, but kids should not be responsible for your emotional support.

You do need support though - hope it gets better. Treat yourself gently, go for little wins x

Thank you for your kind words @WTF202333 - I’m having dark thoughts at times but no intention to act on them

Op, read up about the “ grief pathway”, it’ll help you to realise why you feel the way you do and that there is no right way as to how you feel.
however, if you are finding it is preventing you for functioning in everyday life or being overwhelmed please go to gp and get professional help.

You must go to see your gp now. Any suicide ideation or self harming is a warning that you are not coping and need urgent intervention. Do not dismiss this with a “ but I won’t do it”, these thoughts are a warning sign that you are slipping into severe depression. make an emergency appointment this morning. If you can’t get appointment TODAY, ring 111 and ask for advice
if you are making specific plans on how to kill yourself call 999. Now.

I am reporting to MN to advise you too.

whike you wait for GP to open call Samaritans if you get more of these thoughts

Absolutely normal, grief isn't a linear process, it takes time to recover and heal and start to live with what has happened. But like PP I do think you need to do your best to keep this away from your DD. It is not fair to make her feel responsible for your emotional well-being and it won't do well for you and her in the future.

I'm so sorry OP, this is horribly painful.

I think what you're experiencing is an existential crisis. Your marriage was at the centre of your world and without it, you struggle to find meaning in life.

Please read Daphne Rose Kingma's "Coming Apart" as I think it will really help you.

Please stop seeing this a relationship issue or a divorce issue. Your main issue at the moment is your mental health.

The best thing you can do is go see your GP and discuss options. This may include medication which can be an important element of recovery. It usually allows people to stabilise and then other treatments, therapy, exercise and well being can be start to be effective.

You are going to get unhelpful advice on boards where people don’t understand MH. Listen to your doctor. Look to MH forums for help but make sure they are trusted. The MN board is good for advice. They don’t get lots of hits but it just means people aren’t throwing out opinions.

@Whiteroomjoy thank you for your concern, I have a GP appointment this morning

Yes please do get help. Counselling was really helpful to me in giving me someone I could let it all out with.

And yes if you can try to protect your daughter from your grief, please do try.

it will get better. It takes a lot of time. I had some dark days during my separation/divorce where I basically wandered the streets at night in a daze. Several months on and I rebuilt my life, home and everything else and was peaceful and happy again. Now ten years on I have never been happier!! You will get there. X

Good. I was very concerned when I read that earlier this morning. I hope it is a helpful appointment
things will get better, I promise. Just now you need some medical help to be able to deal with it a little better

I hope today has been better for you @Helpots

It's normal. The good news is you move on and realise that you are far happier. My divorce came through today and I'm probably the happiest I've ever been

Thank you for being so caring @Whiteroomjoy and @PeterLemonJello I’ve been prescribed mirtrazapine, I’m quite anti AD but I need to sort my head out. It’s also cheered me today to get my initial invitation to my online CBT course. I’ve struggled a lot today, had hoped I was turning a corner but will have to take each day as it comes

I’m pleased that you’ve got the help. Just think of antidepressants like an elasterplaster. It going to help you temporarily until you start to heal the raw edges of pain. The Gp explained it’ll take a while to kick ? Hang in there , but if you get worse over next week or so, please just call 111 or 999.

you're welcome @Helpots anytime.

@Upsizer apologies for delay in response, sounds as though it was awful for you. I had a much better day yesterday but a shocker today. Can you recall whether you felt this upheaval?

ps - so glad to see you’re much happier now