Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Flip

Original poster

Wishes and feelings of children

14 replies

SuddenlySingle11 · 15/05/2023 15:28

What happens if the wishes and feelings of the children are different?

I’ve two sons 10 and 8. The 10 year old asked for more contact with Dad, specifically midweek. Youngest didn’t really say much either way but know he would rather be at home as it’s closer to school and he doesn’t like to get up early.

I don’t see how separating them for contact is in anyone’s best interest. Has anyone had this before and what was the outcome?

OP posts:

DucksNewburyport · 15/05/2023 15:32

I haven't been in this situation, but I think I would try to give them both what they would like, unless it would cause serious logistical problems? It might be nice for them both to have some one-to-one time with a parent and no sibling.

adriftabroad · 15/05/2023 15:34

Under 12 they are too young to speak for themselves. After that 13 and above, their choices are relevant. (excluding hideous circs.obvs.)

ie DD is15. I will get 100% custody. She will stay with me. Her choice. She will still have to see a court psychologist.

It is why so many women wait until youngest is 13. Sadly.

adriftabroad · 15/05/2023 15:37

Court will keep them together and go for 50/50 as starting point.IMO.

Chowtime · 15/05/2023 15:39

I don’t see how separating them for contact is in anyone’s best interest

I think it's the exact right thing to do! The one who wants to see him more gets to see him more and the one who wants to stay home gets to stay home. Win-win.

adriftabroad · 15/05/2023 15:41

Chowtime · 15/05/2023 15:39

I don’t see how separating them for contact is in anyone’s best interest

I think it's the exact right thing to do! The one who wants to see him more gets to see him more and the one who wants to stay home gets to stay home. Win-win.

Will not happen.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2023 15:44

Will not happen.

You're assuming a professional will make the choice. The adult parents could. And an additional midweek night for one isn't a traumatic separation from a sibling. It's fine.

I'd have LOVED a night away form my brother.

Sheepsheepeverywhere · 15/05/2023 15:47

Ime the cunty df's wishes overrule dc's...

adriftabroad · 15/05/2023 15:51

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2023 15:44

Will not happen.

You're assuming a professional will make the choice. The adult parents could. And an additional midweek night for one isn't a traumatic separation from a sibling. It's fine.

I'd have LOVED a night away form my brother.

I am going through it now. It really will not happen IMO.
Courts want it clear cut and clean and age of Dcs is KEY. 10 is too young to have a say.

(PS thanks for your kindness of previous threads x)

OP, it is a shocker when you actually get things moving.

adriftabroad · 15/05/2023 15:54

... Absolutely true you could make your own arrangements, but be careful with that.

Honeyroar · 15/05/2023 15:55

My nephew stayed with his dad much more than my niece did, like they wanted. It was their choice. Now, as adults, they both get on well with both parents and nobody is resentful.

Original poster

SuddenlySingle11 · 15/05/2023 17:02

adriftabroad · 15/05/2023 15:54

... Absolutely true you could make your own arrangements, but be careful with that.

Excuse my ignorance but what do I need to be careful for? I thought making our own agreement with the help of mediation is the best way?

OP posts:

adriftabroad · 15/05/2023 17:16

Child benefit. Future gfs/bfs. Everything going sour. Future DCs.
Holidays. Christmas. Birthdays.
I am just giving my opinion.Too complicated.
At that age in law, they have no say.

It hasto be as clear and clean a break as possible.

Humanswarm · 15/05/2023 19:38

It really doesn't have to be a clean break at all. If you can work it out amicably via mediation, then great! The courts will actually listen to all children's views, not only after 12. However they can decide against what a child wants. In your case, go for it, mediate. Let each boy decide what they want. One night a week apart will do them no harm. Be prepared to be flexible as things change, they grow older, want to do more with friends, new partners can all affect things. But, it can all be resolved..at the moment, go with what each child wants. As long as they are happy, what more can you ask?

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2023 20:27

No worries @adriftabroad

All the best!

Flip