When did you know and what did you do about it?

[MardiMoo]

Ladies,

I need to ask when you just ‘knew’ it was time to call it a day on your marriage and consider divorce?

I am 50 and my DP of similar age - we have been married 15 years. It seems like we have become very different people in that time. We don’t talk much, we are never physical. (alike ever) and DP is never really happy with anything anymore. I tried to have us grab coffee together at home or in a cafe, but he avoids it if at all possible.

Today, I came down to worse than usual grunts and avoidance and when I asked what was wrong was told ‘I’m feeling down until we can move house’. DP loves to watch sports, but I’m not really into them and watches on the laptop anyway. It’s hard going, really hard going at times. I have depression sometimes and I find that when DP is in a mood it really triggers me too sometimes. DP used to see a therapist, but finished that (I thought too early).

it feels like it shouldn’t be this hard…but I really feel like a failure. Maybe it’s me. I bring in most of the money, so it would be a wrench financially for DP as well as emotionally.

Did anyone else feel like this and has it been better with a separation or divorce ultimately? Is it just how things have to be and a ‘grin an bear it’?

Any advice gratefully received.

Maybe try a week apart?
Is there somewhere they can stay so you can both think about things.
I've asked my husband to leave probably hundreds of times and today he has but now don't know how to feel. Swinging between I can do this and how the hell will I cope on my own with 5 kids....
Could you start a hobby together like ballroom dancing? Go to the theatre?
Do you have any plans in the next year or sooner?
That usually indicates to me if they're interested or not, how far ahead they plan/book things.
Its a hard one but you deserve to be happy and live life to the fullest.

I’ve felt this way for about 3 years - Covid was particularly hard.

i do feel I try with the activities suggestions and sometimes DP is interested, but it depends heavily on the mood. Find it hard to think of anything when it is that time and we retreat to separate rooms…

I saw a lawyer. Knowledge is power. Then we had 2 sessions of counseling. Then we started the process.

Goodness. Just call it a day but I would double check finances with a solicitor so there are no nasty surprises eg paying him some of your pension ( I’ve no idea about this side of it btw).
He will probably be much happier once you split and he sorts himself out and fines someone else which doesn’t seem to take men long.

Well, you e been married a long time so he will be due a fair share of all assets

but if you’re dove better to do it sooner rather than wait even longer as the claim will only get larger

Thank you - am thinking about the lawyer at the moment.

You are right, I deserve to be happy…

Hi, it's difficult to know when the right time is and whether you're making the right decision. The most important thing is - you deserve to be happy.

Try reading through this, it might help you see whether or not you want to continue with your relationship. It also can help you get ready for going through your divorce, telling you all the things you should consider and get ready for before you start the proceedings.
https://iamlip.com/help-guides/pre-divorce/

Wishing you luck and happiness in whatever you decide xx