Hand hold needed. Husband is being served divorce papers any day now.

[Champagne21]

Just looking for some support , I'm a bundle of nerves. I just got word from my solicitor today that they are sending out the divorce petition to my soon to be ex husband and that he has 14 days to respond.
He will be expecting the letter but he won't be expecting what's in it in regards to a share of the house ( it was his before we met) or his pension. That will definitely come as a surprise, he did tell me before that it should be a straightforward divorce and that there isn't anything financial to consider.
I just know he's going to take this badly, not the getting divorced part but what the divorce will mean financially for him. For context I have a 6 year old child with him and we moved out due to his issues.
I just hope he doesn't take this out on our son and start seeing him less as he is the type to do this.
We have been separated 2 years so I had to wait the 2 years to go down the No Fault route.
I've so much going through my head , like am I making a mistake. But I know I want to be divorced from him amd get a financial settlement so I cam move on with my life.
Just looking for some emotional support and encouragement, thank you. I'm a bit fragile at the minute so please be nice , thank you

The petition was sent to him by royal mail by recorded delivery yesterday so I'm sure he will get it today or tomorrow morning.
We don't usually have any contact other than texting about when or what time he is getting his son.
He will prib be so angry tho that he will prob not bother texting to see his son but there's nothing I can do if he starts doing that

I would suggest that if he calls you, don't pick up. Let it go to voicemail. He will probably lash out and be looking to punish you for daring to serve him with papers. Let him contact you by text or email only.

I don't know what your financial situation is, but I would also suggest booking a few things to treat yourself - a wash and blow-dry, favourite beauty treatment or massage - maybe have a wander around the shops and get a new T-shirt or something. Do something nice for yourself at least once a week.

It's good to get out and about a bit and start being your own best friend and treating yourself as such.

Mid-week lunch menus are often great value for money if you fancy taking yourself out for lunch. There's an amazing Indian restaurant near me that does a lunchtime thali special for a fiver!

Pension likely to be split based on increase during marriage only

If you’ve only been married 4 years , and cohabiting 8, you may find yours not entitled to 50%
your fair share could be less
or it could be more
bit it’s not automatic, even though you have a child

Another warning ... if it's suggested, mediation is about a result, not fairness. Do not trust them to be on your side when the offer is totally out of order.

You're right, you DO never know how someone spiteful & stingy will react when someone tries to take (channeling Gollum here) 'the precious' away from them. And it's a shame that their gold is more precious than their child. So you are right to be on your guard.

Remember to go very softly when responding to him. Think carefully before you speak. He will try to bully you into agreements, anger you into unwise words he can use against you He will demand 'instant answers' to his questions and statements. Remember the phrases "I will have to give that some thought", "I will have to get back to you on that", and "I will need to run that by my solicitor". It's a hard thing, you know, to keep silent or stall when we have always jumped to their commands for fear of their words or their behaviour. But you don't need to 'fear' anymore. Cautious and cool, yes. But no fear!

P/A can be dealt with just by remembering that the most 'golden' thing you have right now is silence, yours and his. Do not rise to his bait. Do not respond. I remember biting my tongue until it bled (figuratively speaking) to my Ex's P/A comments. I realized that all he was looking for was a reaction that he could pounce on to take things further. Giving him no ammo sort of blunted his sword. Another one of the things I learnt was to 'celebrate his silence'. Meaning if my Ex decided I merited the 'silent treatment', instead of worrying about what he was thinking/planning I 'celebrated' the fact that I wasn't hearing his abuse and his bullshit. It's all about mindset. Learning to ignore that which we cannot control.

You've got this, you really have. Head up, chin out, walk forward!

Why do you think your short marriage entitles you to half of the house and his pension? Bloody hell.

Because they have a child together. One that OP have been the most present parent for.

If he didn't want his assets to be considered marital assets he should have gotten a pre-nup.

Hi @Champagne21 - hope you're ok. Was thinking of you today.