Arbitration

[Eric7]

Hi,

Has anyone had experience of using Arbitration before. My ex has dragged out our divorce and started off demanding 80% of all assets and substantial spousal maintenance.

She is highly educated but point blank refuses to return to full time work as she wants to remain a stay at home mum to our kids and only do a bit of part time work now and again.

Once the divorce is finalised we have agreed 55:45 in her favour on parenting / child care. So it is as close to 50:50 as you can get!!!

I was always open to a split more in her favour, but on a clean break basis. But what she and her lawyer are demanding is me to pretty much start from scratch but also be her main source of financial income for the next 10 years!

So anyway we are miles apart from agreeing so need someone to decide.

But the idea that someone has the power to decide over you future financially fills me with dread, as I am worried the decision could destroy my life and prevent me from being able to house my kids properly when they live with me.

Cheers

What ages are your kids and what country are you in?

Hi. 8 and 9. England

No but I’ve only just read up about ‘arbitration’ as I stumbled on it online. My solicitor didn’t mention it. I’m after a 50/50 split but my husband wants 60%. We have a 50/50 split of looking after our children. The mediator I employed won’t let me go through with mediation as my husband is lying about his income so my solicitor says court is our only option. One of my friends wanted 70% when she divorced because she didn’t work and looked after the children most of the time. She took her husband to court and the judge decided 50/50 saying she could work if she wanted to. She earned around the same amount of money as her husband before she stopped working to have children. A 20% cut sounds far from fair! Unless you’re on mega bucks, she won’t get that!

Highly personal question - what's your annual income including any bouses ?

I understood that unless one ex-spouse-to-be was in the multi-millionaire bracket spousal maintenance was a thing of smoke & myth. It's also accepted that the financial split has to allow for both parties to be able to provide a reasonable level of accommodation for themselves and any children.

Ask around for recommendations for a good solicitor and get an appointment before committing to anything. I think you'll need to go through mediation first before court.

I earn around c.£150K per year. But most of that is performance related bonus. And I have only been earning at that level for the last 4 years. So I am certainly not a multi millionaire!!!!! Or close to being millionaire!!!

I used my inheritance to buy the matrimonial home. So whilst I earn a decent salary now, I no longer have parents to fall back on if things go sour.

She could go back to her old job and start on £50K per year easily and be up to £80K per year in a few years time. But she doesnt want to.

I have solicitors acting. But I thought id throw this out there as not much intel on how arbitrations work and whether people are satisfied with outcomes.

The main outcome I want is a fair settlement but also for her to go back to work and maximise her economic potential. And stand on her own two feet (albeit she will receive child support from me) and to stop threatening me when I dont pay for every penny of the house hold expenses!

Unfortunately there are a lot of financially weaker spouses who delude themselves into believing they are entitled to not only the majority of the assets but also a significant chunk of the financially stronger spouse's income for years to come. They then draw out the proceedings at considerable expense, dwindling the pot of assets. What amazes me is that some of them are backed by solicitors who in my opinion should be dragged before the Solicitors Disciplinary Tribunal to explain themselves because they are not acting in their client's best interests.

Legally, spousal maintenance is based first on her need and second your ability to pay. Off the record, provided she is capable of earning half of your net salary in income, child maintenance and child benefit then she is extremely unlikely to merit spousal maintenance payments. If we assume the worst case scenario that she earns £50k that is (monthly):

Net Salary: £3,168
Child Benefit: £173
Child Maintenance: £932 (based on a 55/45 split)

Total = £4,273

Your take home if you earned it all as salary is £7,585 a month and after child maintenance it will be more like £6.6k. It would indicate a split of assets in her favour but not spousal maintenance.

Obviously you'll have to deal with the usual pathetic excuses about school holidays and the usual lies that it was a mutual agreement that she stayed at home but they'll get no traction in court and she will be told to go back to work if she needs money. Worst case you would have to pay spousal maintenance for a year for her to transition to independence.

That would happen in court. Whether it would happen in arbitration I wouldn't like to say. Agreeing to be bound by the decision of one arbitrator rather than having the options to appeal in court sound a bit risky to me. It would only take one arbitrator who swallows ideological nonsense about career sacrifices or underestimates your ex-wife's ability to earn her own money to get a bad result (although maintenance is always variable).

A court in contrast would see a near 50/50 split as providing no excuse for her not to go back to work; would probably look at a split closer to 60/40 in your circumstances and would probably tell her solicitor off for having such ridiculous expectations.

One other thing. Don't pay her a penny more than you legally have to. It demonstrates an ability to pay spousal maintenance which will go against you.

Have your solicitor send her a letter telling her you will pay your half of the mortgage and also ask what her plans for employment are. This will force her to ask for "maintenance pending suit" which you can challenge. It will mean you are refusing to acknowledge an ability to pay and only doing so under temporary court order until the divorce is finalised.

In your instance, I would try and stick it out, as you're likely, given your figures to fair far better in court.
Her circumstances are such that the courts and likely to view that she can and should work. Thereby essentially decreasing the amount of settlement in her favour.
Using arbitration, it may not fall in your favour..

What's the current situation OP? Are you living apart? What are you contributing currently? Are there any marital debts?

Thanks. My lawyer has suggested that given she doesnt work I continue to pay for everything as courts have started to view dimly against spouses who hold back money. Her lawyer threatened maintenance pending suit. So I have carried on paying. Whilst she continues with her lifestyle.

We still live in the same house as I cannot afford to pay for the matrimonial home and a place to rent for myself! Only debt is the mortgage. And i pay for everything (she claims child benefit but uses it for going out money / lawyer fees).

Half the mortgage plus child maintenance ought to be enough. You could perhaps offer her time limited support whilst she looks for work and ask what her employment plans are. Also make very, very clear in the letter that you cannot afford this maintenance on a long term basis and force her to account for absolutely every penny spent.

Just seen this. If you could move out and find somewhere "suitable" to rent (i.e. a 3 bedroom house for you and the children) then you should find yourself in a situation where you can only just cover your half of the mortgage and child maintenance. The rest you will need for living costs.

That will force her hand to either claim benefits or look for work.

@Eric7 ah okay, yes I would suggest continuing to pay then whilst in the matrimonial home. If that changes, please stop utilities etc and just pay Mortgage.
The starting point is court is 50/50 and ensuring all housing needs are met. No debt means it will be a pretty simple spilt, and most courts are going to rule near enough 50/50 here in terms of splitting assets..
There is not a hope on your salary she would get spousal maintenance in any form..either as a one off payment or as ongoing maintenance. And, at 45/55 split of childcare your child maintenance will be minimum..
I would, in your instance, continue through the courts.. as you're in a good position, even of it doesn't feel as much right now.
Keep your chin up, there is life after this...and you will feel settled again.

I also echo what @BetterFuture1985 says and move out ASAP, with a view to paying half mortgage and child support only..

The only caveat I would add is that before moving out, the split of childcare is agreed. Your wife sounds like a very unreasonable person and is about to learn about real life the hard way. Unfortunately some women start playing games with the children when they lose control of the situation so you need to avoid that.

Hi. Cheers for the responses. Sadly the concern I have is that if I move out she will do everything in her power to restrict access to the kids. I am in the final furlong of divorce with solicitors and now deciding whether to go down the Arbitration route or FDR (or indeed get a private FDR).

Her lawyer has been delusional in some of the correspondence, and I have been portrayed as a source of finance for her. And nothing else. Some of the proposals about buying her another property quickly, and then sorting spousal maintenance at a later date if I agree to her being mortgage free have been laughable. But also really worrying that she has hired an advisor who suggests these things.

I am open to settling quickly. But as you say the principal has to be that we both are working parents, and one parent cant just expect to live their life unchanged and have the other person pay for their lifestyle.

So whilst Arbitration is faster and cheaper, I am concerned about someone deciding that as she will be the resident parent, most of the assets go to her "because it is for the benefit of the children" as she regularly reminds me. And she doesnt benefit in any way as she has the "burden" of having the kids 55% of the time.

PS. I am NOT getting married again.

I think you're right. Court is a bit of a lottery but arbitration would be as well, if not more so.

As for your wife's claims about it being in the interests of the kids to stay at home, sorry but that is just self serving delusional rubbish which I think you are already well aware of! It's in the children's interests that a parent who can earn £50-80k gets off her backside and does so and she will be expected to mitigate her situation.

I think what surprises me is that there are solicitors out there encouraging this nonsense. They should be struck off.

I earn around c.£150K per year. But most of that is performance related bonus.

I just noticed this again. If most of your pay is bonus related then her claims to spousal maintenance are even weaker. A court is not going to make you pay regular amounts from an income stream that is uncertain.

@Eric7 please, go to FDR..as it stands your finances are separate to a Child Arrangement order anyway. So, the final outcome of your consent order won't impact the decisions surrounding your childcare.
Also, with regards to access to the children, she really would be hard pushed to ask for more than a 45/55 split, in court due to the fact she will be required to go back to work. And therefore the split is entirely fair..argue that point strongly.
She can't deny access..courts are much more fair with regards to fathers rights. And it would be hugely detrimental to her case to try and deny you fair access. The courts look very disapprovingly on anyone who tries to alienate children from a parent for no good reason.