Child maintenance - can he use it?

[Alara84]

Hello,

This sounds potentially a bit stupid and I will be getting legal advice after bank hol (!) specifically on this point, but really wanted to ask what other people do. I am in process of getting divorced, we have had several mediation sessions (one DD aged 3, house being sold and equity split) we agree on most things. The only thing I am finding very hard is the child maintenance chat. DD will be with me officially 60/40 but we have both agreed it will likely be more than that. I am and will continue to be in charge of anything medical, educational, social etc - (i mean, we're getting divorced for a reason ha). He's agreed to pay the 200 or a month that the gov calculator spits out. But then y'day wanted to set up a joint account so that that money could be accessed by both of us. He doesn't take into account I will be using child maintenance to support me with bills (I work pt on a farily rubbish salary, compared to his, he's on 20K more). So I've said absolutely not, the whole point is we are separating and I will continue to buy clothes etc as I always have and these will be shared between houses/not belong in one single house (!?) Anyway, he said ok as long as I can claim money back off the child maintenance if I've bought her clothes/shoes/haircut (all that is hugely unlikely as he's not done it ever but you know.)
Is this reasonable? I'm overwhelmed at the mo as the divorce is my choice, so I am doing everything - driving selling the house, the admin etc. Would really appreciate any advice. Thanks

No, he shouldn't be deducting any money off child maintenance if he chooses to spend additional amounts on your DD.

If you ever end up going through official CMS, be very wary of receiving directly any extra amounts he pays on top of the agreed schedule. When my EXDP paid half DC £800 nursery fees to me, he went and told CMS that he'd paid more of the annual maintenance schedule in advance, and they believed him, so reduced his maintenance during the year. If you have any 3rd party payments, get him to pay it to them directly, as I now know I need to do.

In a shared care arrangement that's close to 50-50 (like the OP's) the child maintenance isn't really intended to be covering food or housing because both parents are already providing those when the child is living with them. It must be intended to be going on some type of spending that the parent with slightly more than 50% of the care is taking responsibility for - eg clothes, uniforms, basic school costs, pocket money, etc.

I paid school trips as well for my kids, but I earned more than my ex - appreciate people do commonly ask the non resident parent to cover these if he can afford it and they can't .

If it's a joint account he's paying into, it's not classed as him paying maintenance and you can still pursue him through CMS.

You should not have a joint account if you are getting divorced as the entire point of you getting divorced is to separate legally including financially from one another. So your children's father is talking complete nonsense about using a joint account for that reason alone.

Due to his BS make sure you get a consent order agreed before your decree absolute is done.

In regards to child maintenance @BetterFuture1985 as given you reasonable advice on what it pays for.

Also remember once your youngest leaves secondary education at 18/19 you will no longer have any links with one another plus absolutely no need to communicate and contact with one another. Though your communication and contact should start decreasing from when your youngest child starts secondary school.

I get child maintenance and my ex refuses to provide anything for DS when he is with him ‘because I pay your mother every month’.

So I end up providing clothes for DS to take over there, some he brings back, some be leaves there such as underwear and toiletries. It isn’t right IMO but I do it for DS. I draw the line at paying for activities during his dad’s time and it has meant he has missed bowling with friends etc because his dad won’t pay.

I don’t bother asking for half of school trips etc anymore as I get a barrage of abuse so it means DS only goes on what I can manage although I’ve been able to scrape together enough for a four day trip to Berlin this year for German. He has missed the other trips his pals go on but that’s life.

His dad could afford more and spend money on his girlfriend’s children in front of DS so unfortunately he has seen for himself now unfair this is.

I feel confident that when he is an adult he will chose to spend his Christmases with me! 😂

So throw back at him 'As you know I earn a lot less because I have to take & collect DD from nursery - so are you also OK if I take from the CM pot extra from you to allow me to go full time and restart my career so I can earn more to cover what you want to use from the CM pot for eg clothes.

If you're sharing care 60:40 only "officially" how much is your actual timegoing to be? Might be worth documenting at the very least.

This is one of the reasons I'm cautioning people here against claims that "school uniform is 50/50." This is one of the problems. The other is where the paying ex resents it and calls it "spousal maintenance" and the recipient is on benefits, which end up getting reduced.

It's far better in my opinion to try and negotiate something up front for any extras, rather than rely on future payments.