Getting children’s wishes heard without court

[Mumofthreeandadog]

Hi. Can anyone advise please how and if we are able to get children’s wishes re contact heard without going to court. I understand if court are involved it would mean cafcass but is there a similar neutral body who can put forward the children’s wishes to help parents decide out of court. My husband is proposing 50:50 but has never been primary carer (although he’s told his solicitor he did over covid - it was a complete disaster) the youngest child has said she wants one evening a week and one day every other weekend with an overnight once a month. The other two are old enough to just do as they please. I’m really worried. Thanks

A disaster how during covid? Does he work? Is 50/50 even viable or is he just trying to manipulate you and scare you now? I don't believe there is a body outside of the courts/cafcass to actually decide for you. However mediation would be your best bet. You can Google and find your local mediation centre and have a chat..he may well back down when he realises the actual meaning of 50/50

You could try mediation / child centred mediation. Much cheaper than court.

It would depend on the ages / maturity of the children.

in terms of court. If there are no safeguarding issues Cafcass is a 15 minute phone call each and then they type a report.

Just do everything you can to keep out of court.

I'd keep it out of court if you can. I'm aware of cases where even 12 year olds and older - the courts are going against their wishes because they are hugely upholding a fathers "right" to 50/50 custody

You find a mediator and agree a parenting plan. Google something like "parenting plans UK", and you should be able to find useful information. Some of it is better than CAFCASS.

As a PPs said you can do child centred mediation but if the child is not secondary school age then either one of you could easily argue that they aren't mature enough to have their wishes listened to.

Going to Court would mean you would get something imposed on all of you.

This makes it harder for the child because as they age they will want to change their contact arrangements and would have difficulty doing this until they reach 14 as either of you if you are still at war could take it back to Court

the youngest child has said she wants one evening a week and one day every other weekend with an overnight once a month.

If she isn't at least 10 going on 11 and mature then unfortunately her father can ask for and easily get more.

He would likely get every other weekend, one overnight a week and up to half the school holidays, with alternate Christmas, alternate her birthday, etc
What is regarded as the weekend depends on how close you live to one another and third parties in his household.

While personally I know fathers who are happy to have their children for school holidays including half term, there are still many who don't want alter arrangements during school holidays. Unfortunately you can't make him do either arrangement.

Also with any arrangement you mediate make sure you agree handover times e.g. 9:30am/4pm plus what happens on inset days, bank holidays, when child is sick etc.

Possibly an independent social worker may be able to assist you

We do both have solicitors acting for us. Yes he does work and has largely traveled with work but is now claiming he will do one week on one week off. I have always been their primary carer. Over covid he ignored them, forgot to feed them, antagonised them when he was around, a few other things also. He lacks any insight in to their needs, any accountability for himself.

the other two girls are late teens so I think definitely old enough.

she is 10.5 and very mature for her age.

At 10.5 OP your daughters wishes will very much be taken into account. She has the autonomy to decide for herself.
Having said that, mediation would be your first call, but after that, if your ex doesn't flex..then your only option would be court and cafcass.
This feels really daunting I know, but, ultimately for the best to safeguard your children.
What's the current situation?

I guess you state over and over again, X doesn't want 50:50 so it's not in her best interests to impose that on her. X would like .... perhaps after several months she will be happy to increase her contact time with you.