To marry or not to marry?

[lilyannofpembleton]

Posting this in the divorce/separation thread as ladies here will probably have the benefit of hindsight and be able to help.

I am trying to sensecheck whether marriage makes sense from a purely financial and practical stand point only (not taking feelings into account for this conversation)

I have been married and divorced once. We did not have children together but he had 1 from a previous marriage. Although he was the higher earner, his expenses were higher and therefore his savings lower. When it came to divorcing, I had to pay him a sizable divorce settlement to maintain a 50/50 asset split.

I am now in a new relationship and we are discussing marriage and children. We are also planning to buy a home (50/50 ownership). He is a high earner but without assets and limited savings/pension. He also has a kid from a previous union. Comparatively, my assets are about 5 times higher than his, although my net salary is lower. No kids on my side.

Given that pre-nups are not valid in the UK, especially in the cases of long marriages, I am wondering if marriage would make sense for me or if it would put me at risk of loosing assets in case of divorce. Is there a practical reason to be married in my case? Am I missing any protections in case we are to separate in the future after having children?

Please bear in mind that I am aware that there are plenty of religious/sentimental reasons to be married but I'd like to keep the conversation purely on a practical/financial standpoint.

If you’re the higher earner/higher assets I wouldn’t. The house if you’re name is on the mortgage would be 50/50 split legally anything.
The higher earner/ one with more assets always ends up losing financially in a divorce

Depending on what your assets are, you could keep them separate (ie a rental flat and income not mingled with shared finances) but I would definitely write a pre-nip in this case. They are valid but ’needs’ would trump the prenup so you wouldn’t really know unless it’s decided by a judge. If you’re the one with more assets I’d be wary of divorce based on my own situation.

I'd be very cautious. One fiancé with high income, no assets, and now potentially another! Put bluntly, you risk losing 50% of your assets.

Marriage is a good idea for partners who will allow their careers to take a back seat to care for children. Those who reduce their earning potential (and pension contributions) for the benefit of the marriage.

But in your case, your fiancé already has a child, and no assets. He has a higher salary but hasn't been able to save while he only had one child and himself to finance. It's most unlikely he will suddenly be able to accumulate any savings with two (or more) children and two adults to keep.

I'd leave it at least a couple more years and see how your relationship develops.