Hi this is my first post, but I’m in a desperate position.
Been with H for 13 years, lived together for 8, married for 4 years. I’ve a 20 year old who lives between home and uni who he’s helped me raise since she was 7, she refers to him as dad.
We’ve argued throughout the relationship - H has issues in relation to his childhood and a difficult relationship with his mum. He’s suffered with depression throughout our relationship.
we started TTC in May 2015, it’s been a horrendous battle which we have failed at. It’s likely due to me having blocked tubes (I’ve a lot of gynae problems).
we have been back and to to the fertility clinic, and we were hoping to have one last go in summer 2022 (I’m 43, H is 44). H started making noises in July that he was thinking he was too old, but we’d give it one last shot, before shouting at me during an argument in august that he was no longer prepared to do it. And we have escalated at that point
we have literally argued almost every day, it’s become verbally toxic and lately we’ve become physical to one another with pushes, shoves, and grabbing - he pushes his face into mine, scaring me, and so I slap his face away
he left in January for a trial separation, came back 4 weeks later for our daughters birthday, then left again after 4 weeks. Throughout the time since august, he’s been interchangeable about wanting to be with me, wanting to save the marriage but has told me constantly that he still loves me and was still telling me that he loved me ‘deep down’ 2 days before he left
he’s now cut all communication with me, I have to contact him through our Daughter. He’s been round a few times but he is verbally aggressive towards me and just seems to want to unleash all of his pent up anger on me.
he’s now telling me he hasn’t loved me for a while and I can’t accept this. He’s told me he’s had a breakdown and it is clear to all that he is unwell and unhappy.
he’s back living with his mum. He’s refusing to give me the money to start the divorce. He’s refusing to put the house on the market until our DD finishes uni next year. Saturday just gone, he told me that it’s over, but he’s not ready for divorce and ‘needs time and space.’
the irony is that his mental health has massively impacted me, I’m in a terrible state and getting support from MH services and counselling
just wondering whether anyone else has been in this position, and what the outcome is - I’m not deluded so much as to think he can come back and it will be rosey but want to know why he’s not ready to move on when it’s his decision and whether his feelings may return if he’s given this ‘space’
sorry for lengthy post but I’m desperate and heartbroken - he’s been so loving, and a really good family man, I can’t accept this