Post Separation Abuse?

[WTF202333]

I was chatting to a friend recently about some of the stuff STBXH had done during our separation and ongoing divorce proceedings. He was a bit controlling when we were together and this was one of many reasons for the marriage breakdown.

I’ve ‘laughed off’ the post-separation abuse claim as I feel that the majority of separations get a bit nasty, but it’s got me thinking. I’ve tried my best to be reasonable throughout all of this, but here are some examples of what he has done;

Closed down joint bank accounts without my knowledge
Cancelled life insurance and pet insurance.
Changes amount of child support and dates of payment to when it suits him
Pushed me over and injured my leg.
Stole my phone and read all my messages
Tells the kids I am poisonous and I’m turning them against him.
Fails to arrange contact arrangements for the DC then blames me for the relationship breakdown.
Asks the DC where I am if my car isn’t on the drive.
Tells me my friends are not real friends and they are using me.

I sometimes think I am going mad and wonder what he is going to do next 😢. Divorce is HARD and I don’t think I’m emotionally strong enough to get through this. Is this normal???

No it’s not normal but my ex is like this. It’s the narcissistic rage.

For non abusive amicable divorce - no not normal

for a divorce from an abusive man entirely sadly awfully abusive

I'm going through the same thing, I was actually going to start a similar thread.
I've been separated for nearly a year. STBXH was a heavy drinker and had anger issues. I ended the relationship but he hasn't accepted it.
He shut down all my direct debits after I asked him to leave the house and forbade me from using the joint account. It was pretty scary until I got a new account set up. He originally refused to pay child support, even though he is a high earner, until I sent him a solicitor's letter. Now he constantly threatens to stop child support.
He randomly texts me crazy apologies and asks to get back together. Then when he doesn't get what he wants he sends me awful abusive texts.
I'm going to counselling and it's helping but I'm paying from it savings and I'm starting to worry about money as he's refusing to go to mediation and I think I'm going to get dragged into a horrible divorce.

@WTF202333

In summary:

Closed down joint bank accounts without my knowledge
Would have been advised by a solicitor to do this. Being on joint accounts after separation is not a good idea, for either of you.

Cancelled life insurance and pet insurance.
He's perfectly entitled to do this and you are perfectly entitled to take out your own insurance policies.

Changes amount of child support and dates of payment to when it suits him
If he is paying above CMS calculated amount fine. If he's paying below, not fine. So it depends.

Pushed me over and injured my leg.
Very obviously not okay unless it was an accident (or he was pushing you away in self defence).

Stole my phone and read all my messages
Definitely not okay.

Tells the kids I am poisonous and I’m turning them against him.
Not okay.

Fails to arrange contact arrangements for the DC then blames me for the relationship breakdown.
Probably not okay but sounds messy and I don't know the ins and outs.

Asks the DC where I am if my car isn’t on the drive.
Fair enough if you are living together. What he does with that information might not be (e.g. if he uses the time you are out to "investigate" your letters, statements, other affairs).

Tells me my friends are not real friends and they are using me.
Would need more context but doesn't sound okay.

In summary, on balance, what's happening in your household really doesn't sit with me very well at all and I think your friend is right.

@NoObjectiveTruth With all due respect, I don't think you are going through the same thing as the OP. Your relationship (him angry and drunk, you forcing him out of the FMH when he probably can't afford anywhere else to live) sounds mutually abusive whereas the OP's situation sounds more one sided.

My post wasn't very clear, STBEX owns another property and has considerable savings in his sole name. Very much not a situation where I made him homeless.
The DC were scared of him by the end of the relationship and haven't spent a night with him since the relationship ended, by their own choice. The direct debits he shut down were in my name from a joint account that my wages were being paid into. I got put on an at-risk list with my electricity company. My solicitor told me that what he did was Illegal.