Help on boundaries !!!

[Sallyxox]

So me and hubby ended a month ago, he left me wasn’t in love blah blah.

since He’s been seeing our daughter at mine 3 evenings a week and takes her out a day at the weekend. So he sees her at mine cos he’s currently on a friends sofa, he’s paying me money each week like he did previously to help with bills.

so he still has a key will come in using that and make coffee which is fine. What’s getting to me is I will walk dogs and do cleaning upstairs etc stuff I struggle to do when little one is around with just me. But I find he’s always finding a reason to come in the room I’m in and start some banter or conversation. Then he will says things like oh you seeing ur boyfriend tonight!

so first few weeks I was ok with this but probably cos I had slight hope it meant something. Now I’m just like come see ur daughter and we need no more than a hello, and anything related to her. But when I do this I’m in a mood ? Apparently, starts arguments!

what’s the best way to go about this? I don’t hate him and one day I might talk more than just little one but for now I need to stop hoping.

You need to start writing down a parenting plan. Kids, money, his you'll interact with each other, timelines.

I agree tiu need a plan

sofa surfing can’t be maintained long
whats the short term plan for housing/bills/maintenance/ living etc?
what’s the longer term access arrangements going to be
whats the timeline for that
have you discussed divorce and settlement

id suggest that next time he wanders in and starts talking you steer the conversation to that

also Tell him again that currently while you are processing your feelings you don’t want chit chat but this will evolve over time but for now he needs to respect your feelings

So I’m looking for somewhere new and manageable for me on my own, he’s apparently doing the same. Timeline really is November as we rent and this contract is up in November.
for now he sees little one Monday, we’d and Friday evening and then one day over weekend.

I have mentioned divorce and he asked if we could not do everything all at once, I asked him to lead on it and find out what we need to do cos everything I mention it I just get silence.

Ow. He is trying before committing to her /ending properly with you...
File for divorce op.
And he can take dc to cafe /activities.. No need to have him round..

Just don’t have the money but getting it together so will do as soon as poss

Are you on any benefits @Sallyxox? You may not have to pay the Court Fee.

Iv just done a claim cos I’m only part time working but not sure what I will get yet. Just all very stressful.

divorce.wikivorce.com

Have a read. It's not that complicated or expensive.

I'd suggest getting on it with. Otherwise this in-limbo chapter of your life will drag on for years.

It aounds like he is deliberately preventing you from having an adult discussion about the situation so he can continue to play it in o hos benefit. If your request for boundaries leads to arguments I suggest getting professional mediation. It can be expensive but definitely worth it and you can spilt the cost 50-50 with him. As others have suggested, draw up your parenting plan and list out how you expect to coparent before going into mediation. The output of mediation should be a parenting plan and a seperation agreement.

If you're only working PT, have you seen if you can claim any benefits yet?

I just don’t get what benefits he gets he’s agreed to a routine with little one the only thing he seems to be avoiding is divorce which when I have the money il sort myself.

but I will look into mediation, at the minute I do feel we are agreed on everything barring him understanding I don’t want to be his mate.

The benefit he's getting is trying to keep you from moving on, in case he changes his mind and wants to come back.

Ah right hahaha! He must be deluded, il get the divorce asap

Maybe he is trying to catch you out being with someone else so he can divorce you for adultery and leave himself looking good... Maybe he also thinks you would have to pay the costs.... Usually men don't think with their brains so bet ow is in the wings.

Yeah maybe
dont doubt for a second there could be ow in the sidelines but non of it makes a difference just don’t understand why he can’t accept that we’re not pals haha!