60/40 Split

[Billybob31]

My partner and I have recently split and are going to divorce after a 20 year marriage.
It's all been very stressful and I don't seem to be able make clear, fair decisions.

We have two DC who are both pre-teens. We earn roughly the same and neither of us have any big assets apart from the equity in our house.
For several reasons,.the DC will be with me full time for the foreseeable, although they may have overnights with their Dad in the future.

My debate is - is it unreasonable of me to try and get 60% of the equity of the house? My reason is that I need to house myself and both kids, whereas he only needs a house for himself. He, obviously, totally disagrees and feels that only a 50/50 would be fair.
If I have 60% I may be able to stay in the family home, which I think would be the best outcome for the DC.
Is this even worth fighting for? Is it worth paying for mediation, solicitor etc to try and press for 60% or is it very unlikely to happen anyway?

What about pensions and other assets? With those taken into account you might be able to justifiably keep 60% of the house equity.

The main goal is to house the children adequately, if they live with you full time then most solicitors would recommend asking for whatever percentage would keep you in the house (if over 50%).

and 100% yes to paying for advice. If you muck this up the penalty can be great!

Would his 40% allow him to get a two bed house/flat? Surely the DC will need at least a shared bedroom at his place? Definitely get advice as pensions, ages and other assets will need to be declared.

If you earn the same and have a long marriage it’s likely to be 50:50 per my solicitor especially if you could downsize and provide housing for your needs

how much extra is the 10%?

You’ve got a shit solicitor if the advice is that. Adequately housing the children is no.1 priority and if they are staying 100% with mum then unless they’re in some super massive house they’d be likely to be able to keep it

I think you are the one with a shit solicitor. The children are a primary factor but they are not a paramount factor. You will not achieve an egregiously unfair settlement simply so the children can stay in the family home for example. Besides which, Mesher Orders are also an option to ensure fairness albeit deferred for example so claiming the OP can "keep the house" without consideration of a wide range of other factors is bad advice.

For a start, a court will try and ensure both parties are adequately housed, not just the primary carer, and if that means the FMH must be sold and a smaller property purchased that meets needs, then that will be so ordered.

Thanks all.
I could house myself and the kids with a 50/50 split but it would probably mean them sharing a room, which isn't ideal.
The problem is that my ex is really annoyed that Ive suggested that I could aim for larger share than him. I can't see him agreeing to it willingly. I don't want to be bullied or pressured into rushing into settling for less
but Im just not sure if I have the energy for a fight. If I settle for 50/50 then it could all be resolved more quickly and I'd have peace of mind.
I could spend thousands on solicitor fees and end up losing anyway.
On the other hand, sharing a room would make life miserable for the DC and they would be gutted to have to move area. So I also feel that I have to at least try and keep the house or find something similar - which means aiming for a 60% share.

Just to add that a 40% share would mean he would have 300k (deposit and mortgage) to buy a house or flat of his own. So, yes he would be adequately housed even with a smaller share.

If you're having the kids nearly all the time then I'd be going for at least 70% tbh.

Will you need to reduce your working hours or pay for childcare?

But if you have the kids full time your expenses in terms of money , emotional caring and time will be much bigger than anything your dh will put in

He will be free to save, to focus on career, to date, have people round to his house, study, pick his teeth - whatever

You will be harried, nurse them through the breakup, keep them on the straight and narrow etc, nag about home work, put food on the table - do a GRIND.

So FIGHT. For as much as you can. Pay for good advice. Stall u til YOU are ready. Do a deep dive on threads here.

This place is FULL of women who were exhausted, drained and shafted.

Good Lu k

With you having the children more or less full time, 50/50 is not a fair split. Absolutely continue to argue for more.

So you’re aiming for 450k split vs his 300k?

certainly based on what I’ve seen and advice if my own solicitor with similar earnings between both of you you may well not get that despite having the kids more

but take advice from your own solicitor

Ah actually I see deposit and mortgage …

what is the equity and your earnings each ?
what maintenance will be be paying as that will diminish his mortgage ability while raising yours

So, your ex thinks he can flit off with 50% of everything, and you have the DC full time and all that comes with it, whilst your DC share a room and move house.

He's a selfish dick. Tell him he can have them 50/50 and see what he says. If he is not prepared to sacrifice £ for his DC to be OK, whilst he is free to do what he wants, responsibility free, he can step up and shoulder 50% of the responsibility with both time and money.

If you're doing most of the care, making most of the sacrifices then he needs to compensate you for that.
If he doesn't like it he does 50/50. As with most men, highly unlikely.
He's only really annoyed because he's been sussed.
Don't be fobbed off. Think long term.

Lots of emotional thinking on here and settlements are t based on that

see a solicitor, take their advice. It will come down to the actual values and earnings involved, along with ability to house the children - of which you could spend 10s of thousands fighting for if your ex won’t agree. Courts also don’t care that you keep the family home if you can be ‘adequately’ housed elsewhere

OP, never give something with one hand, without taking something back with the other hand.

I think he's being an absolute arse wanting 50% of the assets with 0% of the responsibilities of parenting.

Presumably he wants the extra time to focus on his career/hobbies/other interests/relationships whilst squashing yours?

Check his pension ( with every company he's ever worked for) and definitely go for 60/40.

If he doesn't like that then say 50/50 of your lives together includes him doing 50% of childcare and parenting; he doesn't get to pick what the percentages do and don't affect, if he doesn't pay in money/assets he can pay in time.

I don't think 50/50 is fair in your case, you have to house yourself and the dc whilst (as you said) he's only housing himself. He'll need a bedroom for the dc when they eventually visit, however a shared one is fine as they won't be there much. Whereas you will be having them 100% to start with. Don't let him bully you into this.

Also don't forget child maint.

Well I'd think all the assets including pensions should be split 50:50 as the principle and child maintenance paid to you should then compensate you for the fact that the children live with you full time. That's on the basis that if things were to change in future your XH would need suitable housing for them too.

I don't quite understand how he will have £300k to get a home? Where will that money come from?

I had an alternative approach to the settlement where he let me keep the house and pay as much as I could towards his share (so he had a deposit for his home) and he then retained a 20 percent charge on the house until the DC left full time education. I took out an interest only mortgage for his first instalment. I then downsized later and used some of the proceeds to pay off the interest only mortgage and to pay him back his 20 percent charge.

He paid me child maintenance based on the DC living with me most of the time until they both went to university.

Hi...

I received more than 50/50 on the basis I didn't have any of his pension, it was never my aim to touch this. So I have received 50/50 plus an additional £30000. Whilst I will struggle when I retire I wanted a large deposit to reduce my outgoings.