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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

How much to pay for temporary custody of kids?

57 replies

FloydPink · 25/04/2023 15:10

So, wife is moving out on Friday to her mums, a small 2 bed bungalow, so the kids are going to stay with me for 2-3 months full time until she is able to move to her new house and then it's 50/50. I guess as things go, we have an ok relationship, tense of late but arguments are generally nipped in the bud before they blow up and we are getting on ok.

I am trying to work out how much she should pay over this time as I will be responsible for most care and costs, she will probably only have them one night a week. It sounds like a petty thing but we (more me I guess) am trying to be completely open and transparent on things so that if things were to get awkward, we can prove fairness etc. like getting an email from the other when we ask to take kids on holiday etc.. Am sure that if roles were reversed she would be expecting money from me but how to work it out? Just take the food (two hungry teens) they eat, what about money towards general bills (they generate loads of washing lol), what are fair things to contribute to?

Child Maintenance calc claims £544 based on her earnings but it didn't ask for mine. I do earn more than her but the mortgage and paying her off have totally wiped out most disposable income, so that our planned amounts leftover each month are roughly the same.

OP posts:

mewkins · 27/04/2023 16:14

Desperatelyseekingcommonsense · 27/04/2023 14:50

The maintenance is a bit tricky. I don’t get maintenance from my ex we have roughly 50/50. I have more nights but he does all weekend which is a lot of parenting. If one of us was away we wouldn’t recalculate unless it was long term. It’s fair enough to ask her for the CMS amount but it’s not fair to then ask her to pay 50% of everything on top. You as the resident parent have to pay for school lunches, clothes, activities, pocket money, phone bills. I’d tot it up if I were you. You might find it is quite a lot really. I know with my children if I just had to pay £5- 600 ish a month Id be saving money in comparison to their regular cost.

It depends how you arrange stuff between yourselves. I am resident parent but I pay for some stuff while their dad pays for others (eg. I do phone contract and travel to school, he does sports clubs etc. We split school uniform). This doesn't change as they are set up as direct debits.

WheelsUp · 27/04/2023 16:26

Roundandnour · 27/04/2023 14:31

2/3 months assumes that things will move seamlessly with the new property. Circumstances change. Sellers pull out, landlords don’t always serve paperwork correctly, people loose their jobs. This can quickly escalate into 12 months.

im going to remember this thread the next time a dad asks how he can reduce maintenance for a month or two whilst he saves for deposit and furniture, and is called all types of selfish arseholes under the sun.

I've seen threads where dad tried to reduce maintenance because he took the child(ren) on holiday and people rightly said that he shouldn't do that.

YouCould · 27/04/2023 16:37

It's not petty. Just ask for the £544.

Roundandnour · 27/04/2023 16:49

WheelsUp · 27/04/2023 16:26

I've seen threads where dad tried to reduce maintenance because he took the child(ren) on holiday and people rightly said that he shouldn't do that.

Show quote history

I’ve seen threads similar to ops but the dad is in temp accommodation. People have said he’s having a laugh. His child(ten) need supporting. How’s mum going to pay for the child(ren) costs whilst he saves for deposit, furniture etc. Doesn’t matter if it’s only a month or two. The costs don’t disappear… and more.

Dad posts he can only have them once a week because of temporary housing situation. Again, omg just no. You need to have them more…. And on it goes.

From what I’ve read on this thread so far if mum was paying maintenance, and stopped due to taking them on holiday she would be told good on you. How dare their dad suggest you carry on paying.

SheilaFentiman · 27/04/2023 17:29

I swear there are now way more posters complaining about posts saying he should not claim than there were those posters in the first place.

I think the majority view is that a claim of some kind is fair, by now??!?!

SleepingStandingUp · 27/04/2023 18:00

Bananarama77 · 25/04/2023 15:32

It’s not petty to ask for it, kids need it to live of course you should get it for them

Exactly, an a woman in this situ would be told they absolutely must have the money if they're doing all the childcare etc (because most teens are not cooking all their own meals, doing all their own washing and shopping etc., still require someone to be home overnight if they're 13 rather than 19.

Go with the CMS level, and if circus change and the kid wants to spend more time at Mom's once she's moved, it absolutely goes both ways and you pay her too. If the wage discrepancy is high, you could suggest lower as she's setting up a second home for them and will be buying beds etc.

You also need to think long term about costs for uniforms, school trips etc. Depending on the wage discrepancy I'd say proportional.

Desperatelyseekingcommonsense · 27/04/2023 20:09

mewkins · 27/04/2023 16:14

Show quote history

I meant, technically, that if he's claiming cms from her she can also say that she's not contibuting to costs on his days as maintenance is meant to cover them. I think the whole situation has the potential to get very messy/ petty. Perhaps like a previous poster you could work out a nominal amount to contribute to the other household has them more than the other.

Although I would say as teenagers you may very well find they don't travel as a pack and you end up with one child who is hardly there, one who barely leaves and a floater.

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