Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

How to START divorce process

10 replies

MaisieDaisie2023 · 21/04/2023 16:58

Hello all,
I am at the very start of the divorce process. Husband and I have been married 15 years, have 2 young children. I left full time work when first child born. I now work part time and care for children 100% (minus the school and nursery hours, which I scrape to pay for) as husband works long hours (and isn't really interested tbh). We have an incredibly complicated financial situation. We have separate bank accounts, but the mortgage and most of the utilities come out of my account. My salary doesn't come anywhere near covering all these, so I have to constantly beg for him to transfer money to my account. I often only have access to a few pounds in my account, if any at all. He has racked up thousands of pounds of debt in my name in his personal spending. For this reason alone, I've been terrified of leaving, because I cannot live on my own with two small children with SO much money owed in my name. He only gives me just enough to survive, and never enough to leave.
I'm embarrassed I let this go on so long, but finally decided enough is enough. I've been told I can get Universal Credit, but I'm not sure how and when I'll be eligible, as Husband still lives in our house (house is owned by his company) and I'm afraid he will hide all his income and assets in other business accounts as soon as he finds out I plan to leave.
How do other women (especially SAHM or low income/part time mums) deal with finances and housing at the start (and middle and end!) of this process? I'm very scared we will be homeless with very little to live on and lots of bills needing to be paid, afraid of losing my job because i can't pay for childcare, etc. I have no family to help, and no friends with extra space for the 3 of us to live. Any advice is greatly appreciated!!!

OP posts:
SausageRoll2020 · 21/04/2023 17:00

Your first step needs to be contacting a solicitor.
People will give you all sorts of tips and advice on here some of which may be more accurate than others, what you need is solid legal advice.

AndrexPuppy · 21/04/2023 17:03

i agree you need to seek legal advice. Book an appointment with a solicitor who deals with divorces. You are being financially abused. Women’s Aid might also be helpful in these situations

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/financial-abuse/

Financial and economic abuse - Women’s Aid

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/financial-abuse/

TheVanguardSix · 21/04/2023 17:06

Do you listen to podcasts OP? There are some really good ones that can truly help you understand the process better.

Stowe talks is a good one hosted by legal experts from Stowe Family Law. They invite really good people onto the podcast to cover various issues. Start with this one https://open.spotify.com/episode/5CCYXLeHI6ru02GdA0rcnX?si=fTrw_uGlQvmN2VRv9DrNDw&dd=1

Spotify

https://open.spotify.com/episode/5CCYXLeHI6ru02GdA0rcnX?si=fTrw_uGlQvmN2VRv9DrNDw&dd=1

MaisieDaisie2023 · 21/04/2023 17:10

Thank you, all these resources are very helpful.

OP posts:
MaisieDaisie2023 · 21/04/2023 17:14

I called a Family Lawyer yesterday for a "free initial consultation" which was not helpful at all. They basically just used the time to tell me their fees. How are low income mums meant to cover a £420 initial consultation with an actual solicitor? I have a meeting with a local charity next week to give advice. I plan to call Womens Aid next week when i have privacy to be on the phone hopefully. I just have to be so careful.

OP posts:
MaisieDaisie2023 · 21/04/2023 17:16

Thank you, I will definitely listen to these. I love a good podcast!

OP posts:
Whiteroomjoy · 21/04/2023 19:37

SausageRoll2020 · 21/04/2023 17:00

Your first step needs to be contacting a solicitor.
People will give you all sorts of tips and advice on here some of which may be more accurate than others, what you need is solid legal advice.

No, the first step does NOT need to be contacting a solicitor. Why fgs do people always say this. She’ll go to a solicitor who’ll give her a free “30min“ slot telling her not much , promising the earth and a sales pitch, and then the next sessions will be the solicitor telling her a process and making it sound hard for £200 plus vat per hour
Op, ignore this.
the FIRST thing you need to do op, needs to do is to inform herself of the process. Go to the government divorce web page, read, print forms. You do NOT need a solicitor to petition for divorce itself or as respondent. The government has redesigned the site some years back to be easy, and with law changes last April states quite explicitly you do not need a solicitor for this.
then op, go to link above on this chat board to ADVICE NOW. Download their guides to the various processes and inform yourself. These guides tell you exactly the specific tasks you do not need a solicitor for, what you may want to use one for, and whereyou should absolutely use one. You will save yourself a fortune in time and money to spend a day reading and understanding processes, forms etc instead of pissing it away on solicitor bills for sessions that are more talking shops

pay particular attention to the “ fair settlement “ principle. Contrary to MN popular belief 50:50 is NOT the starting point- fair settlement is. Courts use10 or so criteria of fair settlement defined in the marriage act when deciding or even Sealing a mutually agreed “ consent” order. If you familiarise yourself with these, understand about forms E and D81 you can get your own head around the likely outcome of any settlement irrespective if you put animosity aside and can agree with your STBex or have to go all way to mediation or good forbid courts.

Whiteroomjoy · 21/04/2023 19:39

MaisieDaisie2023 · 21/04/2023 17:14

I called a Family Lawyer yesterday for a "free initial consultation" which was not helpful at all. They basically just used the time to tell me their fees. How are low income mums meant to cover a £420 initial consultation with an actual solicitor? I have a meeting with a local charity next week to give advice. I plan to call Womens Aid next week when i have privacy to be on the phone hopefully. I just have to be so careful.

Please read tops of chat Boards op.
there is a link there to advice now
god knows how many times this is pointed out to posters.
GO TO ADVICE NOW site. Click on link

LJane88 · 22/04/2023 23:00

I am also going through similar but don’t qualify for universal credit due to my earnings, nonetheless I’m so worried how this will pan out financially. My mortgage advisor told me although you stil live together and are still married, if you are separated you can still proceed with claiming UC even if you are living together. I am not sure for the reasons for the split but my friend was told by a family lawyer if you ring DVAP if there was any sort of emotional abuse etc then they may be able to help with legal fees for a very small percentage fee. Just a couple of suggestions x

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread