Stbx not paid any child support

[TulipsandButterflies]

Hi,

We separated a few years ago and I filed for divorce at the end of 2020. It’s dragging on. I ended up getting a new solicitor who has been a lot better than the group I was using. I hadn’t claimed for child support for our 14 year old as I thought the house and everything would be sorted by now. I am living in the mortgage free family home but it’s tough paying the bills for it (and a gardener - and I need that help) on a 4 bed detached house and paying all costs for our daughter (all costs including school bus pass, school dinners, clothes, days out). She is expensive!! Constantly wants money even with £100 a month pocket money. I also pay for her iphone 14 while I make do with an iPhone 8.

Bottom line is, I’m struggling to pay all of the above and solicitor fees. My new solicitor insisted I put in a claim for child support from her dad, which I did back in February. I had a letter to say he had to pay me £86 per week from the end of Feb. I haven’t had a penny. What do I do? Just get back in touch with the child maintenance people? He reckons he can’t afford it however he is living rent free as he inherited property and money. He has also semi-retired recently. But, I can’t afford it either.

Another thing that is really having an effect on me is that he doesn’t take the fair share of childcare so I am not getting a break! I work FT in a stressful role and I’m doing a Masters. I have no life. I know my daughter is old enough to stay home but I feel guilty and end up taking her somewhere. She is moody though and no fun to be with. It’s getting me down. There are no grandparents alive and no family to help. Her dad continues to work at weekends without a regard to take our daughter for the weekend to give me a break. I have quit my career (of over 25 years) so I didn’t have to work weekends in order to be around for her. I am now in an awful job (very overworked and deal with crap all day). His job is lower paid than mine and it was always me that studied and got promoted to bring in more money while he didn’t.

My daughter is going through the hormone years (and so am I, at the other end) so it’s tough! I’m desperately in need of time as well as money. I feel so unhappy. I have no family for support.

I ended the marriage as it was dead. Sexless for 13 years! No affection. I wasn’t interested in him that way. It became obvious I’d married when I was too young and inexperienced plus he was 11 years older. It was making me unhappy. However, I’m now trapped in a situation where I can’t even date anyone due to no freedom!

Any suggestions?

Daughter rarely goes with her dad. He takes her out a few hours every couple of weeks but never overnight.

Contact CMS to make them aware he hasn't paid.

Do your own gardening.

A 14 year old does not need childcare.

Stop the extravagant purchases for your DD. You cannot afford it and you're really not doing her any favours.

Get a female lodger?

Honestly? My daughter gets her phone contract of 8 a month plus council gym of 15 plus 16 pocket money. That's it. And reconditioned iPhone 8, I think
And she really doesn't mind and none of her friends are spoilt like that

Yes get the ex to pay, should have done this earlier, but stop pandering to your daughter as well

I'm sorry, but you do seem to be creating your own problems. Paying a gardener, spoiling your daughter, overthinking....

No one ‘needs’ a gardener or and iPhone 14.

14 yo’s absolutely can be left alone for an hour or more while you do something for yourself.

Get on to the CMS about non-payment of maintenance

I think that long term you need to sell the house and downsize.

Not only can you not afford to run the house, you have 2 extra bedrooms. The council tax will be high, heating bills especially so, it's terrible economics to cling onto a house you can't afford or manage to maintain.

CMS sharpish. Ex needs to contribute.

Dd needs a short sharp lesson in affordability. She's 14. She doesn't need an iPhone 14 costing what, £100 a month. That's insane.

You need to sit down and sort a budget out. Get rid of any expenses that just aren’t necessary. That include the £100 pocket money! Suggest your DD finds a job in a cafe at weekends - they tend to take 14 years olds - she can earn her own money. Her dad needs to be paying something.

Two homes rent free? Your money is going somewhere.

A 14 year old doesn't restrict your life, they don't need childcare, they probably don't want to be with you all the time. 100 in pocket money is ridiculous. Do your own gardening, use that time to listen to some music on your headphones and reflect. You just contact CMS and tell them he's not paid. You only have 3 months to do this, then they sat well you didn't tell us so won't claim it back. You sound a bit wet tbh.

And yes you can date, you've got masses of freedom with a 14 year old

Call CMS, stop buying your daughter expensive stuff, problem solved! Your ex needs to contribute and your daughter and you need to swap phones with you!

Neither of them are thanking you for being a martyr so they need a wake up call

It's time to realise your lifestyle must change.

Don't renew the iPhone contract. My 14yo has an iphone7 on a £10 per month payg. Cut pocket money to £10 a week and suggest your dd gets a Saturday job.

You don't need a gardener but you do need a budget. Sit down and go through everything.

Cut anything that isn't essential. How much are you spending on food? Gym? Tv & music subscriptions? Takeaways?

Cut the expensive days out for dd, she should be concentrating on her GCSEs this year.