Our house is up for sale but i want a divorce

[Housematter]

Our marriage has had been strained because of my husband's bad habit. Gambling. Husband doesnt know that i want out of this marriage. I need to have a chat with him from next week when the children go back to school.

Can you tell me your situation when you had the house up for sale and you was going theough a divorce please? And the outcome of it too?

Are you after 50% of the equity? Is he likely to agree to that? Will you rent or buy your next property ?

It doesn't matter what other people's situations were /are and what happened, because its not going to predict what happens in your entirely different set of circumstances.
Is the house up for sale because of gambling debts? When putting the house up for sale, what was the plan for future accommodation if you have been playing along that you were staying together? Where are you going to live when house sells? Are there DC?
There are so many variables, it's impossible to say your outcome is going to be the same as someone else's .
Surely the best thing to do would to get some legal advice about where you stand? Surely a solicitor is best to placed to give you likely scenarios, not random strangers on MN who are not or haven't been in your unique situation

Before you have the important chat with DH …. Bide your time and ….

See a solicitor. This is your legal first step. Ring one on Monday & ask about half hour for free. Lots offer that opportunity. They will lay out what your rights are. Your house is a marital asset so you might get a 50/50 split of the sold price. Armed with the legal info your conversation with DH will have more meaning. He’ll be gob smacked I expect at how proactive you’ve been.

As each day passes you will be information gathering & an avenue of what to do, what actions to take will be revealed. No need to rush. Maintain your dignity, keep your cards close to your chest and before you know it you will feel empowered as you realise your freedom.

Get legal advice before you say a word.

Make sure to mention the gambling.

Don't allow him near the money.

Get what you are owed first.

Ring Women's aid to see if they have advice.

Also ring Gam Anon for families.

They might have advice.

You owe him nothing.

Get organised quietly.

You need to see a solicitor yesterday. You can't possibly get to see one fast enough. You have got to know what do to and how to untangle yourself from your gambling husband as quickly as possible before he ruins your life and gambles away your money.

Hi .
I have just gone through the sale of a property having moved out in July. I had by the time the residence had been put on the market engaged a solicitor. They will want to know details of this and when a sale is agreed.

The monies at the moment is safe with the conveyancing solicitor until the funds can be released to myself and my stbx. We both agreed between ourselves that we were happy to let the cash be released to us both prior to court process so that we can repurchase again, both sets of solicitors have said ok but will be formalised also.

Seriously consider a solicitor if you can and do not agree to anything which compromise your situation.

Good luck 🤞

@WheelsUp i would like to have 50% of the equity (no idea if he will agree) and to buy a house because of my job as a childminder (it just makes it more easier for me).

@Dontbelieveaword sorry i worded it wrong as everyones situation is/was different. I just curious of what happened after you sold the house. No, i wasnt playing along as our house was up for sale last year with a useless estate agent, so this year we've switched estate agents. So ive got no idea where to live. Maybe my two youngest are in the high school.

This gambling been going on for 10 years, on and off. It seems to be every 2-3 months, a large sum of money is taken out of his bank for him to gamble at the bookies. I could never ever catch him as he works all over till i caught him a few weeks ago. He lied about it. Im not even angry or upset. Just done.

The only debt he got is his business loan that he is still paying off. He doesnt have any CC in his name, only mine. Our plans was that we move to a smaller house with a smaller mortgage or no mortgage, then he be happier, but will he be?? My plan that i wanted to be with him for the rest of my life with our 3 DC (been with him for 22 years, married 10 years). But im physically and mentally unhappily drained, exhausted and not sleeping properly. I cant do it anymore.

Since last year, i got myself a steady paid job, I started to pay about 90% of our bills inc the mortgage cos husbands wages is not regular and can go months without money (or was he blowing it all??) As his job is a mixed of bank transfer payment and cash as hes self employed, same as me.

@Stratocumulus have i gotta go into the sols office or can do it over the phone? As i work long hours through the week till 530pm. I will get in touch with one tmrw

@billy1966 thank you for the breakdown list of what i need to do.

@Aquamarine1029 yes i just feel final with him. Ive told him numerous of times that he wasnt dragging me and the kids down with his gambling. I hate him for it. Wish he didnt started it. Or otherwise i'd probably still be with him today. What a fool!

@Jas683 thats interesting to know and yes i will find a sols asap. I wouldnt know where to start. Thank you

@Housematter
Years ago I saw 2 solicitors in the evening after a full days work. One of them actually gave me over an hour of his time. He was very kind.

If you phone a couple of practices you might find one who will accommodate your hours. It will be worth every minute.
Just do it. Knowledge is power.

I have only had one meeting in person since using my solicitor back the end of last year, I have liaised via telephone and email. Remember every email sent by you and received by you there will a cost, so only make contact when you have to.

@Jas683 thanks for your advice

You need to get this sorted ASAP. He could easily build up gambling debt before you are divorced and end up bankrupt, causing your existing property to be sold (for the same reason, anything other than an immediate sale and split of equity will be a very bad idea for you).

I would crack on with the sale and then get the monies into an escrow account pending final settlement.