Change to 50/50 children arrangement

[londonnest]

Hi,
Ex-husband has our children (5 and 7) 50% of the time. But he’s a disneyland dad. Never does any homework with them, or school project, doesn’t keep up with school announcements. Never helps with dentist appointments, vaccinations, etc.
What bothers me is that he has equal say in the decisions that affects our children even though he’s more a glorified uncle. For example, I’d like to move but he doesn’t want to.
Can I argue that I should have the majority of the time with the children and he has them on alternate weekends and one weekday per week for example? That way they can at least do homework with me!
This is what I wanted to begin with but my solicitor said I should give him the chance to step up. I knew he wouldn’t and he hasn’t. My solicitor also said at the time that the evidence of his poor parenting would be too subtle (he’s not an alcoholic or a drug user). However I think there is a clear pattern that shows he’s just not that interested in the donkey work just the fun stuff.
He is also completely delusional about his parenting ability and sees himself as a very hands-on dad (evidence shows otherwise). He also doesn’t want to be seen as someone who has less than 50% of the time with the children as it may reflect poorly on him. He doesn't mind paying for childcare to avoid this. So for him, 50% makes sense!
I do not believe that it is in the children’s best interest. But I don't know if I can do anything about it?
Thanks

How old are they? Not doing secondary homework will entail consequences.

How happy are the children at his?

Sorry just seen ages.

Have they missed medical etc appts because of him?

Unfortunately you need really tangible problems if you want to challenge him in court.

Not doing homework with them is an example of him not meeting some of their needs (educational).

However, you will need much stronger evidence to convince a social worker from CAFCASS (if your case goes to court and a Section 7 report is ordered), that it would be in the kid’s best interests to change the arrangements. That could be other evidence of their needs not met in other ways and/or safeguarding concerns.

If he’s putting them in childcare a lot during his time that’s another reason to depart from the status quo, but again, probably not strong enough on its own.

Frustrating as it is you’re unlikely to succeed based on the above if he disagrees to the reduction ( which he’s likely to based on less time with his children and the requirement to pay cms if his time reduces)

what does he say when you pull u up on what you’ve stated above? Eg why does he not ensure homework is done?

Lots of men forget about children's appointments, whether they are married or divorced. Homework is not hugely important at this stage either. You have high standards and I am sure you children will benefit from your drive. However, there is a reason why a child has a mother and a father. We teach them different things. Above all, children need to see their parents getting along with each other, even if they are not living together anymore. I wouldn't rock the boat. Your ex seems like an involved dad, it's just his style of parenting is different to yours.

You would be told that he has a different style of parenting and that he is 'good enough'
Missing homework at 5 and 7 is for the school to raise with him if it's an obvious pattern of not being completed when they are with him.
You wouldn't get a reduction of time to every other weekend unless there were identifiable concerns or safeguarding concerns.

So tired of posters saying dad only wants 50/50 to avoid child maintenance. Do we say mum only wants more than 50/50 for money, too?

I'd be surprised if this reason would stand up in court. Would a single mum or married parents lose their children for not helping with homework if it went to court? I'd think it would have to be a higher level of neglect.

I didnt say he’d refuse only because of cms. But many men do only want 50:50 for that reason

and yes many women refuse it because they want cns

Is this inspired by your desire to move and his refusal? Sounds like it might be.

Homework doesn’t make any diff at age 5 and 7, I’ve a 7 year old and we do it sporadically!he’s always going to have an equal decision in their upbringing as like it or not he is their father and has PR.

Wanting to move isn’t unreasonable, however within a reasonable distance to their father to keep the same arrangements?

Thank you for your comments.
I agree that missing homework at their age is not a big deal, but I think it is a sign of things to come when homework becomes more important. Also, it is just one example of how he is not interested in doing any of the donkey work. There are many others.
I think what annoys me the most is how he only thinks about himself and this is reflected in many small ways in his parenting. He is always looking for the solution that requires the least effort from him.
He loves the idea of being a dad but hates the actual parenting part. However he'll never admit this.
If he was to give me more than 50% of the time with the children, he would see this as me 'winning' and him 'losing'. So he'll never agree to it.