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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Co parenting arrangements!

3 replies

Gemmmm · 11/04/2023 22:32

I'm looking for some honest opinions here please.
Myself and my ex share custody of our wee boy who is 5. He works shifts 6 on and 4 off and I work 3.5 days a week. When we split he wanted 50/50 shared custody which was fine. At the moment I have my wee boy 7 nights and he has him 3 nights. Works out 18 nights with me, 9 nights with dad and he has 3 nights with his granny a month when I'm working very early the next day. On average it works out that I have about 7.5 days over the month at weekends where we are both off so get quality time and him and his dad about 6 days. Then there is during the week time which is also roughly 20 hours each. The problem is his dad wants me to have him more now as he isn't getting as much 'free time' as I am. I probably get double this time as obviously I am lucky to have a job that I can work a little less. I am a single parent and he has a new girlfriend who is now 6 months pregnant. This all happened very quickly and I don't think they are coping too well. He isn't the easiest/friendliest person to deal with at times. He doesn't pay child maintainece but I have let that go as he has or did have him quite an equal amount of time till his shifts changed. He does help with half the costs of his extra curricular classes but not breakfast club .
Do you think this is fair or am I being harsh not agreeing for him to have more 'free time'. I mean he's having another baby so he isn't really going to get any free time anyway 🤷

OP posts:
JamMakingWannaBe · 11/04/2023 22:53

I'd ask for your post to be moved to the Divorce and Separation board as posters there will have some good advice.

I understand that custody is based on number of nights - not the total number of hours you "parent" in a week / month.

Is Granny your Mum or MIL? If DM, you are arranging appropriate childcare in YOUR time so he has 9 nights a month and you have 21. That is NOT a 50:50 split and he needs to pay the appropriate level of child maintenance.

His new girlfriend is not relevant to how much time he has your son.

If DS is 5, what are both your contact arrangement plans for when he starts school?

DawnMumsnet · 12/04/2023 07:34

We're moving this thread to our Divorce/Separation topic at the OP's request.

millymollymoomoo · 12/04/2023 11:30

He should pay cms on the number of nights he has ( which will reduce when his other child is born)
i can’t see anything like 50:50 based on what you state above

I wouldn’t be looking at free time, I’d put your sons stability above all else

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