Does single parenting get any easier?

[Churrosontoast]

I'm really grieving for our lost family unit this weekend. Usually, we would go away to the beach for the weekend for easter and enjoy having fun in the sea together.

I am struggling with parenting on my own and can not do this as a single mum. I can't say that I'm enjoying days out with my kids at all, let alone a trip to the beach.

I loved the things we used to do together as a family and I can't do them on my own with the children without feeling stressed, resentful and feeling like I just want to go home. The children are 8 and 4. My eldest is being assessed for autism/ADHD also so parenting her alone is draining enough, then there is her younger sibling who won't walk far. It was much easier when there were two of us, one to entertain the children and the other to navigate all the practicalities of getting to the beach etc.

I feel depressed. Stuck in this town with two children and very little support. My Dad is an alcoholic so absolutely no chance of him being an extra adult for day trips etc, my mum lives abroad.

Does it get easier? Will we ever get to the beach again?

I'm a single mum in a seaside town and we go to the beach all the time, but it's a 15 min walk away. Why not start small and try being a tourist in your hometown? Are there any nice woods/castles/parklands? You could have a picnic, blow bubbles, fly kites? Cheap, cheerful and low energy.

Well I'm a single mum with 2 year old twins and a 6 year old.....STBEXH left when twins were a year old. I go to the beach with them all the time on my own?

I very much decided I didn't want my kids to look back and think their childhood was boring / miss out on day trips / museums / experiences / days out because their mum was too nervous or didn't have the confidence to do it alone. I plan ahead. Park as close as I can, brightly coloured clothes in case they leg it in different directions, LOTS of snacks, try not to get stressed as that just inflames the situation

for me? Nope absolutely not. But I’m a lone parent to 4 also with asd/adhd it just gets harder.

I think what helps is finding new things to do as a family of three rather than trying to replicate the stuff you used to do as a two parent family.

Find what works for you. What’s enjoyable and build a life for yourself around that. If whole days out are stressful, so smaller things and find joy in spending time just you and your children.

I understand
i have an older one with diagnosed ASD and a younger one
It is really difficult and isolating
Things that can help are as the younger one gets older, starts to become more independent & even starts to make own friends, have playdates

It is not easy

It can be really hard, my daughter has ASD too. Things that have worked for are:

1. They have a bag with their drink, swimmers, spare clothes etc and have to carry it. No discussion, that's how it is.

1. If they take bucket and spade/body board the rules are that they carry it. No discussion., ignore the whinging.

1. Good planning, make sure you've got everything you need ready. Include calpol, first aid kit, suntan cream etc.

1. Make sure the toilets are close and car parking if going to the beach. No point having a long walk as you will all have to go.

1. Leave before they get too tired, whingy. Don't wait for it to go tits up as they are unreasonable by then.

I've taken 4 away on my own for Mon - Fri caravan breaks. My two I've taken away since babies, added in my niece and nephew too. They were aged 4-7 when we started gping away.

And this is what I do. No one gets carried, no ones bags get carried for them. Everyone has to help out. They all go to the toilet if one goes - to avoid repeat trips.

Take a photo of the kids when I get there - so I know what they are wearing. Phone number written on a band on their arm when they were really small.

We've had some shite days out, and one absolutely awful camping trip! Mostly we've had fab time, and as the parent I have to lower my expectations. The fun is for them, tho I do enjoy as well.

I've also spent days out/camping trips with other parents. Either the wives of farmers/men who work away or other single parents. But it's easier to go as the only adult sometimes.

It does get easier I promise. I separated in 2009 and received a lot of support on mn under an old name. It's brutal to begin with. Every first is painful; Christmas, birthday, holiday.
Be kind to yourself, try and plan nice things to look forward to and when it's hard, don't beat yourself up. Every day is a new day.
Keep posting on mn, the support helped get me through those dark days. It will help you too. You're not alone.

Start small. Beach can be a faff even with extra hands. Lower expectations.

Keep it simple. You can't do a
Multi stop itenary as easily. If the kids are happy then just go with it.

Get yourself a backpack. Carry max amount of stuff and hands free. Eldest also has a backpack.

Library. Park. Etc. and build up. Look after yourself you are still grieving. There is em another thread about people finding this Easter weekend hard and lonely. You aren't alone.

It can become liberating. Sometimes meeting the needs of the other adult and the discussion about what to have for lunch or where to park is a pain. There is something simple about being a single adult prioritizing the needs of their young kids and that being their focus.

Don't try and do a run of days out or activities. Do a home day and then an out day.

You aren't failing them: you are adjusting to your new normal as are they. I went from struggling to now taking them abroad around the world on my own without blinking.

I dress mine the same on days out, so if one gets lost I can show people what the lost one looks like, or if they both get lost they should be easier to spot. Same t shirts and shorts, same swimsuits and rash vests.