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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Fair maintenance?

25 replies

Gloria1982 · 07/04/2023 15:16

We don’t have much in the way of assets so we’re trying to get this done without too much legal intervention. Amicable at the mo but some of these discussions are starting to strain things.

Me: 30k working 3 days a week mixed shifts (includes nights and weekends). This allows me the time to help out a lot with the kids, school runs, clubs and classes etc. I have a decent pension as I have paid into it for the last 20 years.

Him: 150k stable job in finance with a reliable 10% bonus each year that has paid out 5 of last 5 years. He works far away (150 miles) 3 days a week so is out of action during that period, but is able to help with school etc around that. Has a small private pension and only paid in for 2 years but obviously has the greater earning capacity going forward.

It’s roughy 60/40 in my favour in terms of having our two DC who are 6 and 11.

We had been renting a larger house for a while pre breakup and prior to that had a 250k house which we kept and I moved back in to last month. He now rents a smaller place nearby. There’s about 120k in equity. Joint mortgage and he’s agreed I can stay here until the kids are out of education and with some help I can afford the mortgage. He wants to split the house 50/50 which I am unsure about but my immediate concern is ongoing maintenance.

Minimal savings. I have a 2 year old family 4x4 car, fully paid. He has an older car but one that’s suitable for the kids too. He has some nice watches but nothing too crazy. There really are no other assets as we’ve enjoyed a more than comfortable lifestyle.

What should I be aiming for here in terms of ongoing maintenance? Child support comes out around 800 per month but I would really struggle to provide a comparable lifestyle for my DC on this. STBXH does like to splash the cash, with big gifts, long haul holidays and designer clothes etc.

what do you think would be fair here?

OP posts:
Jojobalone · 07/04/2023 15:22

CMS calculator

you will need to know his salary and also how many nights he has children

Jojobalone · 07/04/2023 15:23

If that’s what the calculator says, you will have a bloody hard time arguing that it’s increased

but if amicable, you could suggest he buys school related clothing and shoes as well

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 07/04/2023 15:26

The standard approach regarding income would be that you receive the £800 CMS + child benefit + any other benefits due based on your own income, and the children and you live on that and don't expect to match the flashy lifestyle he can offer with his much bigger salary.

And all equity (both pensions, house equity, anything else of significance) would be split 50:50 as a start point, although given your disparities you might be able to argue for a bit more.

Anything over and above this is between you to decide. "Fair" is a pretty elastic concept in divorce.

SquidwardBound · 07/04/2023 15:36

You’d probably be best going for all the house equity and getting a mortgage yourself to cover any outstanding mortgage (is it £130k?). Some mortgage companies will take the £800 child maintenance into account when determining affordability. Can you increase your income by taking on more shifts? If you are paying for childcare, you may qualify for some UC.

given that he’s easily able to house himself suitably without a share of the equity, it seems sensible for the assets split to favour you being able to house yourself and the children.

You simply won’t have a comparable standard of living because of the differences in salary. The DC should presumably still benefit from the fancy holidays etc with him. But fancy holidays really aren’t the most important thing.

usererror99 · 07/04/2023 16:39

Maintenance as in spousal? I can't see youd be entitled to it really - he doesn't earn an excessive amount - and it would likely be for a fixed period of time like a year or 2 max. Continuing Working part time would be considered a luxury that he isn't required to bank roll any more

taxpayer1 · 07/04/2023 16:49

It's time you adapt your expectations. You won't be married to him anymore so he doesn't need to provide you with a lifestyle. 800 is a good amount considering he is having the children 40% of the time.

BetterFuture1985 · 07/04/2023 17:32

Maybe £200 extra a month for a year whilst you retrain to get a better job and go full time? Capitalised to a single payment of £2.4k.

gogohmm · 07/04/2023 17:44

I would consider requesting spousal support for a set period until your youngest is in secondary school (so no childcare needed and you can work full time easier) say age 12 for ease, giving you nearly 6 years to increase your income to maintain the lifestyle you want. For comparison dp on a similar income pays £1200 for 5 years, nearly up! I received £850 spousal (kids too old for cms but older children still cost!)

BetterFuture1985 · 07/04/2023 19:56

gogohmm · 07/04/2023 17:44

I would consider requesting spousal support for a set period until your youngest is in secondary school (so no childcare needed and you can work full time easier) say age 12 for ease, giving you nearly 6 years to increase your income to maintain the lifestyle you want. For comparison dp on a similar income pays £1200 for 5 years, nearly up! I received £850 spousal (kids too old for cms but older children still cost!)

You probably only receive spousal support because your children were too old for CMS. If they weren't, you would just have received CMS.

Presumably your DP pays £1.2k in total on that income and not just spousal? As in a global maintenance figure?

OneForTheRoadThen · 07/04/2023 20:19

Unfortunately the UK maintenance system doesn't account for parity of lifestyles so anything above CMS levels would be on his goodwill.

Crazycrazylady · 07/04/2023 20:35

As above I'm afraid what you are legally entitled to is half your share assets plus maintenance based on his earnings. If it went to
Court, a judge would probably expect you to work 5 days given the ages of your children. Spousal maintenance is astonishingly rare in the Uk so I really wouldn't rely on that.

strawberry2017 · 07/04/2023 20:46

Is he going to be paying towards the mortgage and maintenance of the house, Coz surely if he's not then his percentage should be based on the value of the house now not when your kids are 18.
Otherwise anything you do will benefit him but no cost to him.

taxpayer1 · 07/04/2023 21:05

OneForTheRoadThen · 07/04/2023 20:19

Unfortunately the UK maintenance system doesn't account for parity of lifestyles so anything above CMS levels would be on his goodwill.

And rightly so.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/04/2023 21:07

CMS is based on his salary. Are you talking about spousal?

millymollymoomoo · 07/04/2023 21:20

Strawberry it doesn’t work like that
his capital is tied up, impacting I’m his mortgage and ability to invest, therefore it’s right his investment in the house appreciates in value

Original poster
Gloria1982 · 08/04/2023 06:50

Thank you for all the responses here, these are very helpful. There’s a lot of good knowledge and advice on these boards!

OP posts:
BetterFuture1985 · 08/04/2023 09:28

OneForTheRoadThen · 07/04/2023 20:19

Unfortunately the UK maintenance system doesn't account for parity of lifestyles so anything above CMS levels would be on his goodwill.

Why is that unfortunate? How would you feel if you had studied hard, gotten a good job, married someone who had not done so and then divorced? How would you feel going to a demanding job and then paying half your income to someone who refused to work?

BetterFuture1985 · 08/04/2023 09:32

strawberry2017 · 07/04/2023 20:46

Is he going to be paying towards the mortgage and maintenance of the house, Coz surely if he's not then his percentage should be based on the value of the house now not when your kids are 18.
Otherwise anything you do will benefit him but no cost to him.

A lot of people get this wrong. If your capital is tied up and you can't get a mortgage because someone else is using your mortgage capacity, then clearly both are wealth generating assets. It would be an unfair outcome to deny someone the wealth gained by using that mortgage capacity and capital to invest in property. Half of any mortgage paid in the interim can be thought of as occupational rent, or a fee to use someone else's mortgage capacity.

Also, don't forget the parent who does not live in the house has to rent somewhere and often this is more expensive than the mortgage.

Incidentally, if house values go down this also means the NRP has to share the loss so it protects both parties. We're just used to prices going up in the UK.

OneForTheRoadThen · 08/04/2023 22:16

Why is that unfortunate? How would you feel if you had studied hard, gotten a good job, married someone who had not done so and then divorced? How would you feel going to a demanding job and then paying half your income to someone who refused to work?

Not as bad as you feel @BetterFuture1985 🤣🤣

taxpayer1 · 08/04/2023 23:11

OneForTheRoadThen · 08/04/2023 22:16

Why is that unfortunate? How would you feel if you had studied hard, gotten a good job, married someone who had not done so and then divorced? How would you feel going to a demanding job and then paying half your income to someone who refused to work?

Not as bad as you feel @BetterFuture1985 🤣🤣

Greed. Lazy.

OneForTheRoadThen · 08/04/2023 23:26

Ah taxpayer1 there you are, bothering any thread on maintenance like a fly on shit.

Jojobalone · 09/04/2023 05:49

OneForTheRoadThen · 08/04/2023 23:26

Ah taxpayer1 there you are, bothering any thread on maintenance like a fly on shit.

Step mum
husband pays maintenance
bitter

😂

taxpayer1 · 09/04/2023 06:46

OneForTheRoadThen · 08/04/2023 23:26

Ah taxpayer1 there you are, bothering any thread on maintenance like a fly on shit.

Agree. I am the fly, you are the ...

Notanotherone5 · 09/04/2023 06:50

strawberry2017 · 07/04/2023 20:46

Is he going to be paying towards the mortgage and maintenance of the house, Coz surely if he's not then his percentage should be based on the value of the house now not when your kids are 18.
Otherwise anything you do will benefit him but no cost to him.

Is she going to be paying him rent then, for use of his half of the house?

i believe it’s normally assumed that it cancels out

BetterFuture1985 · 09/04/2023 13:24

Ah, I forgot I would find myself at a Parasite's Convention here 🤣

Nevermind, there's a quick, easy resolution to these parasites. It involves not sharing an address and living in Dubai 😎

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