When do I cry?

[uncertainalice]

I've been separated for two years after leaving my EA ex, and now divorced.

After going through all the expected stress...I still haven't cried about it, although obviously I feel very sad. I didn't want to separate/divorce but had no choice, to protect my DC and me from his behaviour.

Does crying come later somehow, or am I maybe not going to do it? I thought I'd be in bits by now...

Maybe you won't , you might be so relieved you won't.

I have only shed a few tears in the time I left in July last year.

I'm not a crier but definitely a carer and I have questioned this myself.

There is no "should" about it. The idea that you must cry at some stage, just doesn't make any sense. You say you had to do this to protect yourself and your children - you have done the best thing possible . So don't worry about whether you should or shouldn't cry. Move on and enjoy your life .

Never cried once about my divorce.

I know what you mean OP, I felt like I somehow had to “get it all out of my body”…and a good cry would have done that…but either way you’ve def done the right thing.

I’ve not cried about my marriage/divorce since before I made the decision to leave- lots of tears before. That was almost 2 years ago after a 30 year marriage that ended unexpectedly
I think divorce is often the culmination of a long grieving process - it is often the last thing the Petitioner wants to take responsibility to end a marriage and accept it’s over out loud to the spouse . And the responder is then potentially catching up emotionally but has already had to deal, in most cases, with emotional stress and grief of constant disappointment, and maybe even rejections, in the relationship

it could be a good sign that you were already emotionally detached before the divorce - which means it was exactly the right thing to do to get divorced even if you didn’t instigate it

i found it helpful to look at “grief pathway” . It applies to any loss really. Tears are just apart of a small part of that pathway. There are probably other stages you are experiencing still and the grief pathway may just help a bit to explain why you feel the way you do.

Maybe you won’t. Maybe the overriding feelings will be relief or optimism for the future.

I cried the day after my husband’s several affairs and long history of lying came to light. Sobbed properly for an hour, and after that never again. In fact friends commented how happy I looked and that there was a glow about me. Perhaps the grief happens during the relationship?

thanks everyone - I feel like I want to cry, but then somehow I can't. But I totally agree that it's such a relief being divorced from him, and I am looking forward to the future, so maybe I won't need to bawl my eyes out as I thought I would!

He's still being a nuisance (we have young DC so I can't avoid him completely), making excuses to come to the house and trying to start conversations, kiss me goodbye 😡🙄and it's hard to break the habit of going along with what he wants, but I will get there eventually.