Currently sharing the children 50/50ish with my ex and the pressure from my family for "visits" is becoming extremely stressful. This is primarily from my Dad (but also one other) who can not understand that I don't have the children as much and he can't just drop by. He is constantly saying to me "I'll call over...." and I'm always saying "we won't be in" or "they're with their Dad."
My Dad is selfish and does absolutely nothing to help or support me and never has. He was a horrible, aggressive father growing up and I had to leave home at 19. He will not allow us to visit him at his house which he has run down through neglect and smoking. He just always seems to expect me to be home for him to drop by. I am rarely home as my eldest child has ADHD and needs to be outside exploring. The times Dad has come out with us, he wants to go home after an hour and my kids don't!
His visits are extremely stressful as he barely engages with the children, just brings them sweets then offloads all of his troubles at me and rants about people and starts talking to me about my brother who I am NC with due to his toxic abuse towards me and cruel comments about my children. I hate it. He's a million miles an hour, loud and will even sssshhh at the kids when he's talking at me.
Before DP left, he was a buffer and would speak to my Dad so it wasn't quite as bad, I managed ok. But these days I can not tolerate him at all, yet I feel bad because he's persistently asking to visit and I'm always saying no because we're either out or they're with their Dad or like this morning, I have no energy for him.
He could ask to look after the children for a couple of hours so I could get things done, take them to the park, come over and do my garden or cook us a meal. But no, he just expects me to be here to absorb his rants.
I also have complaints from another relatives who calls me and leaves voice messages about when she can see the children. She can't help me out at all, I know that and I am trying to see her every 4-6 weeks, but I just feel under so much pressure. I don't feel like I see the children enough myself, let alone other family.
How do I navigate this?