Do I divorce or

[Moonshine91]

My husband and I have been together 10 years, married 5 and have the best 3 year old baby girl.
This last year i have realised just how manipulative my husband is - convincing me to leave my previous career, left me out of our wedding day speech and the gift was something he'd given to me the previous year, put me off having another child because after I lost the baby weight in 2 weeks mind you, he had to cheek to say that he found me unattractive etc, it's a long long list. However, since going back to work full time last year in a really good role that is flexible with DD, a higher wage and opportunity to meet a lot of new people he has been nothing but negative and just treats me like a colleague or something.
Final straw, we've been forced to put the house up for sale and out of the blue he wants to move north to be part of mountain rescue. I've suggested that we continue living here but he goes to volunteer in the summer maybe and gets to know people then review it in a few years. Nope, he's set on us moving north and has caused nothing but stress and criticism of my job since as well as trying make things just generally difficult at home .
Our support network is, my side of the family that actually want to spend time with us but my husband loves mountain walking so I can't help but feel that if we move north we will be isolated knowing nobody nearby whilst he swans up pen y gent every weekend. My mum moved all over for my dad and felt isolated and now frustrated after everything he cheat on her. Ps DH goes walking all the time, I very rarely grumble about it even if he misses an occasion.
So, I'm not moving my daughter and I north, but what do I say or suggest now? Or is the only other solution to go our separate ways?
I'm tired of being the only one fighting for this family life and marriage and although I love him I just feel like there is so much tension and resentment there

Thank you in advance - first post so your support is really appreciated xx

Divorce is rather final. Could you trial a separation? You stay where you are and him move north? It will give you the opportunity to see if it is feasible to live alone? Obviously I don't know your financial situation so it may be that you already know it will be feasible. It will also give you the chance to see if you will be happier without his criticism and negativity as well as giving him time to reflect on life without you and your child x

IMO divorcing someone that belittles you and doesn’t do what they can to build you up is a no brainier. No way would I move from my support network for this man.

Tell him you no longer find him attractive, his vile behaviour repulses you, he is free to fuck off up all the mountains he wants, and as the parent who moves away, he will be the one who travels to parent his child. It’s clearly been a sham from day 1, time to enjoy life.

@Moonshine91 please please reread the list of shining credentials you have given to him. Then look into getting a divorce.

and if you say ‘but he’s a fantastic father’ I may smack you upside the head.

he makes his partner miserable. He’s been a knobber from day one. He belittles you and your confidence as he wants a downtrodden grateful wife who follows his every whim.

he will start on your child once they are strong enough and old enough to stand up to him.

this leopard won’t change his spots. He’s shown you all the colours and his glorious ways. Don’t be your mother. Don’t sacrifice your happiness for him.

plan separation and live happily ever after. Please.

He’s jealous of your job and family links friends connections and happinesses. He actually sounds like a shit that would love to get you isolated so he can fuck up your head for good and so he could achieve ultimate control. This one is not a keeper. Stay with your family, job, security and your daughters prosperity in the South. Mountains are shit, he can have them. Never allow this twit to isolate you. Aaaargh it makes me do angry that you bagged an idiot like this. You sound calm, intelligent and sound. Don’t let him mess your head up.

Do not let him isolate you by removing you from your career again, and from your support network.

He's free to move to pursue a hobby, you're free to not be dragged along.

Stop focusing on what he is and what he wants.

Assert your own needs, wants and desires. About work and your career, about where you live, it matters that you have roots and friends, about money and stability.

Your child is young but she has roots. At five she is in school, has started making friends and is surrounded by family.

You need to tell him that these are the things you want in life and that you do not see any happiness or future in a move for you to northern mountains. Be clear you accept his decision to move if that is what he wants to do but it will be alone.

You also need to decide if there is any future with or without the move. If there isn’t tell him that too.

Thank you so much everyone for responding so quickly, I can't tell you how much I appreciate all of your comments and reassurance, its made me feel a lot more confident in my decision. He's certainly going to make it very difficult for me but I'm going to stick by my decision to keep my daughter and I here. I was up all night working out numbers lol and feel more comfortable now that financially I could support us without him so if he goes he goes.
Thank you again xx

Feel blessed if he does really because no one should ever tell you you’ve let yourself go. He’s the one with the problem.