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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

I want what's mine!

16 replies

newtoitalldammit · 04/04/2023 01:22

I've applied online for a divorce. I know I've done the right thing as our arguments were now full blown in front of the children...knew then and there that I can't put them through this.

My problem is, I have been a sahm for the past 17 years, he has said he is no longer going to give me any money, I've stupidly not saved anything for a rainy day!
I've been searching for jobs and have found temp jobs which last a couple months here and there but nothing solid even though I'm looking everyday.

Having never been through this. And not wanting to consult a solicitor as I have no funds, how do I ensure I get 50/50 of everything, including the house which is just under his name.

OP posts:
BasicDad · 04/04/2023 01:28

Speak to a solicitor. You have to have access to money from the marital pot. And if you can't afford legal fees, then you can rightly petition that he covers them.

Go to a solicitor asap and work out what's possible.

FlowerArranger · 04/04/2023 01:33

I agree. If you are going to be the children's main carer, you are due way more than 50%. Of everything - including his pension.

You need a solicitor. Because you cannot afford not to consult with a solicitor.

But you can prepare yourself by checking out Wikivorce, Divorce for Dummies and family solicitors' websites.

Original poster
newtoitalldammit · 04/04/2023 01:37

Ok yes, I'll look for a solicitor ASAP. I had no idea that he may have to pay my fees if I can't afford it.

Does anyone have any experience that if we want to divorce but carry on living in the same house for the sake of kids, can we do this and I still get 50/50 of monies, pension etc?

OP posts:
Original poster
newtoitalldammit · 04/04/2023 01:40

He's put so much doubt in me, he constantly calls me lazy and a money grabber because I'm a sahm and that I shouldn't be getting any of his monthly salary because I have a easy life...he has issues with me having free time whilst my children are at school.

There's so many more reasons on why I need a divorce from him but he's definitely made me think twice about a few things.

OP posts:
MintJulia · 04/04/2023 01:40

You really can't carry on living in the same house as a long term thing. If you are into full blown argument mode now, in front of the children, that will only get worse.

You should aim for a clean break, which means either the house is sold or one of you buys the other one out.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 04/04/2023 01:44

Do you mean that you’re applying for those temp jobs, or that that’s all you’re seeing . If it’s the latter apply anyway. I’ve had a fair few permanent jobs as a result of being in a temp or fixed term job first. If the organisation likes you they’d sooner go with someone they know rather than a dud who’s good at interviews.

just get your foot in the door somewhere, you need to build up some recent experience And get your confidence back. You can do this!

Original poster
newtoitalldammit · 04/04/2023 02:09

CurlyhairedAssassin · 04/04/2023 01:44

Do you mean that you’re applying for those temp jobs, or that that’s all you’re seeing . If it’s the latter apply anyway. I’ve had a fair few permanent jobs as a result of being in a temp or fixed term job first. If the organisation likes you they’d sooner go with someone they know rather than a dud who’s good at interviews.

just get your foot in the door somewhere, you need to build up some recent experience And get your confidence back. You can do this!

Have applied and got the jobs, albeit temp ones...am not working at moment but am searching

OP posts:
Original poster
newtoitalldammit · 04/04/2023 02:12

MintJulia · 04/04/2023 01:40

You really can't carry on living in the same house as a long term thing. If you are into full blown argument mode now, in front of the children, that will only get worse.

You should aim for a clean break, which means either the house is sold or one of you buys the other one out.

Everytime he starts going off on one, I say to myself I'm not going to respond as it's in front of the children but then he'll start lying about me...and the thought of my little ones believing the lies he's telling them makes me go into defensive mode.

I know I can't carry on living with him.

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 04/04/2023 10:04

You need legal advice
Contrary to what’s on here you’re not automatically entitled to 50% of everything
you’re entitled to a fair share- which could be less than 50% or could be more. A alloy can advise you

you will need to get a job as it’s highly unlikely he’s have to pay any spousal maintenance

millymollymoomoo · 04/04/2023 10:05

Oh and don’t ffs bring your children into the mess and start bad mouthing him in front of them

LemonTT · 04/04/2023 10:32

There are two issues which are getting mixed up in the discussion.

  1. How you manage your separation. There are many ways to do this but you both need to agree some principles. I would book some mediation or counselling to get agreement on how you manage your finances and behaviour. If you are going to live together you need to stop talking about the divorce at home.
  2. Divorcing. Eventually you will split up your assets and then get on with your lives separately. The thing that will connect you is parenting and child support.

The ability for you to be a SAHP was because you were a couple. Now you are not a couple. If you separate your finances now then you can claim CMS and UC. But I think you really need to think about work and a career.

I think the best investment for your money right now is counselling on how to manage your divorce and co parent. You both have a responsibility to your children and the thing they need is for the anger and fighting to end in their home.

Original poster
newtoitalldammit · 04/04/2023 13:40

Yes we have agreed this morning to only to communicate if it's about the children and not to ever involve them in our stupidness.
And whilst we're living in the same house to be civil and to draw a line under everything that has happened, focus on getting a divorce and to co-parent our children in a respectful manner.

Have applied for a couple jobs today again.

OP posts:
AylesburyLawyers · 04/04/2023 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MichelleScarn · 04/04/2023 19:17

FlowerArranger · 04/04/2023 01:33

I agree. If you are going to be the children's main carer, you are due way more than 50%. Of everything - including his pension.

You need a solicitor. Because you cannot afford not to consult with a solicitor.

But you can prepare yourself by checking out Wikivorce, Divorce for Dummies and family solicitors' websites.

Definitely take heed of this. How many children and what age?
Are they wanting to split time 50/50, or have one main residence?

Whiteroomjoy · 08/04/2023 09:29

FlowerArranger · 04/04/2023 01:33

I agree. If you are going to be the children's main carer, you are due way more than 50%. Of everything - including his pension.

You need a solicitor. Because you cannot afford not to consult with a solicitor.

But you can prepare yourself by checking out Wikivorce, Divorce for Dummies and family solicitors' websites.

Just stop with this you’re owed 50% or way more. It is NOT legally correct

under law, the OP has a right to “fair settlement” . That may mean 50%, more than 50% or even less. It depends on the how fair settlement criteria apply to her and STBex and how much assets are in the pot

Any agreement, whether done as a consent order , through mediation, or even a court deciding, has to meet “fair settlement “ criteria. The court will not “seal” any financial agreement without this and may even reject a consent order application if they feel it does not meet these criteria

OP, read up on fair settlement. Go to the link to ADVICE NOW organisation at the top of this board and read up on your rights and implications of fair settlement to your situation.

yep, you can ask a solicitor, but first few meeting will just explain what you can read up on and not be charged £200+/hour for. Once you understand the premise, how it applies and what assets you have (eg fill in forms E and D81 ), then you can speak to solicitor

Shinyandnew1 · 08/04/2023 09:33

How old are your children?

If you’ve applied for temporary jobs and got them but are not working now, when was that?

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