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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Buying new GF same things that he brought me

14 replies

aModernClassic · 03/04/2023 13:59

Has anyone else experienced this?

My ExH left beginning of December, straight into a relationship with someone at work. He earns a lot of money, so he's always been really generous with gifts etc., but I'm finding out from friends/kids that he's brought his GF the same or very similar things that I have - same Burberry Mac, very similar handbag, expensive jewellery etc. I've also noticed that he's replaced items he's left here with identical new things - such as suitcases that are quite unusual.

Does anyone else think this is weird?

We've filed for divorce and he's lying on his draft form e, so he's not playing fair here, which is making me mad.

I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but we look very similar apart from she's 16 years younger than me and slimmer size 8 v size 12.

OP posts:
Guiltypleasures001 · 03/04/2023 14:07

My ex now deceased

Sent the same flowers and cards, took to the same hotels and holidays
It was quite surreal but in the end sad. He had never changed and still harked back to me quietly, she never knew if she did she stayed for the money (debt)

EezyOozy · 03/04/2023 14:08

I wouldn’t take it personally and I don’t think it’s weird - it’s just a case of men being a bit crap.

AndiOliversFan · 03/04/2023 14:10

Gently, forget about macs and handbags and make sure your lawyer is fully briefed on the lies about his financial status.

I can’t really identify with the idea of being bought clothes or accessories chosen by a man. I’d hate that and feel like a dress-up doll.

Original poster
aModernClassic · 03/04/2023 14:16

AndiOliversFan · 03/04/2023 14:10

Gently, forget about macs and handbags and make sure your lawyer is fully briefed on the lies about his financial status.

I can’t really identify with the idea of being bought clothes or accessories chosen by a man. I’d hate that and feel like a dress-up doll.

If this was aimed at me, the items were birthday or Christmas presents and some where items that I said I wanted. So for me anyway, it wasn't him saying I think this would be nice on you. But I have a feeling he's doing this to his GF.

OP posts:
Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 03/04/2023 14:20

Hé obviously liked you and your life together a lot! He’s trying to keep the bits he liked, but with a new toy girl. Oh dear.

AndiOliversFan · 03/04/2023 14:22

aModernClassic · 03/04/2023 14:16

If this was aimed at me, the items were birthday or Christmas presents and some where items that I said I wanted. So for me anyway, it wasn't him saying I think this would be nice on you. But I have a feeling he's doing this to his GF.

Show quote history

Oh, that IS a bit eurgh. I was trying to make you feel better by pointing out that you don’t need to wear what he buys you any more, but him dressing his new gf in things you chose- ick. You can at least comfort yourself that she probably has no idea he is trying to make her look like you. Good luck with the divorceFlowers

Bernadinetta · 03/04/2023 14:24

Listen to the Olivia Rodrigo song called Deja Vu…

Coldspringtime · 03/04/2023 14:24

Please don’t compare yourself to her and what she gets from him. You need to try to move on.

LemonTT · 03/04/2023 14:38

For your peace of mind, ask friends and children to stop telling you about his new relationship and definitely not to tell him about how you are living your life. I guarantee you the gossip goes in both directions. It won’t always be malicious and is more often than not thoughtless. But it isn’t going to help you move on and leave this relationship behind you. Tell people you don’t want to know.

Your post is an example of this. What is relevant to you is that he hasn’t properly declared his assets. Not what suitcases he bought.

The most obvious explanation is that your ex is unimaginative. Some people recycle preferences and styles through many iterations of their life.

Original poster
aModernClassic · 03/04/2023 14:39

AndiOliversFan · 03/04/2023 14:10

Gently, forget about macs and handbags and make sure your lawyer is fully briefed on the lies about his financial status.

I can’t really identify with the idea of being bought clothes or accessories chosen by a man. I’d hate that and feel like a dress-up doll.

Thanks for your new reply. I've stopped wearing these things. It started with the jewellery, as to me these were brought with love. And to try and justify his actions to everyone, he's been telling everyone that he's been unhappy with me for a few years which I know is a lie, so I stopped wearing all the pieces he brought months ago. I know he's noticed at pick ups and it hurts him. And now I've found out about the bag, I've stopped using this too and will sell some of them and buy a new one Smile.

And yes, I'm talking to my solicitor about his deceit and the best way to handle this.

Thanks for the support.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 03/04/2023 14:46

It's creepy my ex helped his girlfriend choose her glasses and chose some identical to mine she dyed her hair brown (like mine so I went blond) clothing wise very similar then there were the "day trips" same places he took me same holiday he took me on too 😅 she was oblivious until ds1 said again? Didn't you take mum there with me and then again after dbro was born? He got edgy and said he really liked the area and was planning on moving there ds said mum will be pleased to hear that (he never moved he got a new girlfriend and took her on holiday there too)

Weirdos

Original poster
aModernClassic · 03/04/2023 16:29

Theunamedcat · 03/04/2023 14:46

It's creepy my ex helped his girlfriend choose her glasses and chose some identical to mine she dyed her hair brown (like mine so I went blond) clothing wise very similar then there were the "day trips" same places he took me same holiday he took me on too 😅 she was oblivious until ds1 said again? Didn't you take mum there with me and then again after dbro was born? He got edgy and said he really liked the area and was planning on moving there ds said mum will be pleased to hear that (he never moved he got a new girlfriend and took her on holiday there too)

Weirdos

I've cut my hair as I don't want her to look like me Grin. Men are bloody weird.

OP posts:
CakeIsNotAvailable · 03/04/2023 20:31

Surprised by the comments assuming that your ex is secretly missing you or wants to turn his new partner into you. If he liked something when he was with you, why wouldn't he like it now you're apart? Even things you first suggested - it's entirely possible that he bought them for his new partner either because he likes them, or because he's a bit lacking in imagination, as many men are. You need to focus on the important stuff like the issues on Form E, rather than wasting your time on trivia.

Winemygoodenemy · 03/04/2023 20:39

I am good friends with my ex. It amuses me that he takes any new girlfriend to the same places we went to on dates. Same themed dates and places. It’s like he had a script.

I pointed this out to him and he hadn't realised. He lacks imagination and used the same script as he can’t think of different dates or presents.

maybe that’s what you’d ex is doing. Can’t think so goes off a script

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