Whether to sell or stay in family home

[horsesforcourses735]

Name change for this but long time Mumsnetter

Does anyone have any advice or been in this situation?

Husband of 12 yrs (partner of 24 yrs in total) separated a year ago on my instigation. He didn't want it, so I then endured months of verbal and emotional abuse. I should have left but felt guilty, didn't want to disrupt kids (one of whom is autistic and needs minimal change).

Anyway fast forward to now. We applied for divorce and are going through mediation. But we are still under the same roof. He's hardly worked in the last year, blaming me for his emotional distress. But he has a new girlfriend and visits her when he pleases. That's also my fault as he was lonely. He also has parents up the road.

We decided recently to sell the house. I had especially tried to find ways not to. I can't now but might be able to buy him out in a few years, didn't want to disrupt kids, and when he returns to work - which he'll have to at some point - he'll be away each week (probably at girlfriends) and I know 80% of childcare will be left to me for a lot of the time. But anyway selling seemed fairest so we agreed this.

He's now gone back and said we've got to put kids first and suggested finding ways to do this! Probably me paying all the bills for a start. I can just about do this. However, if he wasn't getting his house sale share he would want to see kids in the home during his time with them. It would mean I'd have to get out when this happened. He has said this might not be often and I do think it's reasonable for him to expect this. But it does compromise my life and privacy. But maybe this has to happen as best for kids ? And maybe things will organically change slowly over the next few years, and he'll move in with girlfriend or I might buy him out sooner than expected?

Or sell now and be done.

Anyone been here?

Sell now
sort out financial split

don’t drag it on longer
until done you’ll not move forward

The courts prefer a clean break.

Better to sell now (IMO) then prolong the problem further down the road.

Him returning to the house to see the kids is isn’t sustainable. You both need to move on with your lives (and both need suitable accommodation to accommodate the children).

How old are the kids?

If you did get a Mesher Ordwr until the youngest is 18 (which is rare now). Can you afford to pay the mortgage & maintenance on your own?

You seem to want it both ways? You want to keep the house but you can't afford it but you also don't want to leave the house so he can see the children

You need to buy him out or sell it

FWIW I'm buying my ex out. He sees the children at my (formally our) home but I go to the shops etc get errands done. It's more I don't want to see and hear him play worlds greatest father (when he isn't). I don't particularly like it - I feel awkward with him here - but at least the children are in a space I know and comfortable with

Not sure what your earnings are but just bear in mind that if you do sell the house and come out with more than 16k in equity, you would not be able to claim any universal credit unless that equity was being put into another property in which case it can be disregarded for 6 months.

How do you go about buying someone out? We don't have a mortgage now. Thanks

You would probably get a mortgage to buy someone out - I added the agreed buy out onto my current mortgage.

Usually if you are 50-50 on the deeds then you would owe him 50% of the current value of the house (the equity). However with kids I'm not sure how the ratio would work.

Thank you 😊