Shift work and custody days

[foldablefarm]

Hi,

Just wondering if anyone had any advice about custody and shift work. Ex applying for a job with shift work. He would only know his shifts a week in advance. I am worried that it's going to be messy arranging where the kids should be and also be tricky for me to make social plans for myself. Anyone have any experience of this and suggestions on how to help it go smoothly? 😊

The only way I’ve seen it work well is 50/50 care and each person is responsible for arranging childcare on their own week.

Ok, thanks. Right now he has them for dinner before dropping home on 2 evenings a week and he has them for 24 hours over the weekend (so say Saturday dinner time to Sunday late afternoon). So with this schedule I am unsure how it would go.

I had a good friend in this very situation. She said it was unworkable and refused to cooperate, insisting he kept to the agreed times, or get another job. She never heard from him again. That was four years ago.

To give a slightly different perspective, it's very difficult to get childcare that covers shifts, so he isn't doing this just to make it hard for you. So while set days may seem to be the way forward, with each parent responsible for childcare on their days, it's very likely to be unworkable for him. Plus your children may not spend any time with him on his days if he's on nights.
That said, it's not like he's been working shifts for years, so he is being unreasonable getting a job which means he can't stick to a regular childcare arrangement.
This is his problem to sort though. I'd suggest arranging a regular pattern, and him applying for a flexible working arrangement to accommodate this, or him asking his employer to plan his shifts much further in advance, say a month ahead (also a flexi working request).
Despite what people on here might suggest, you can't just decide he's being unreasonable and try to force a situation where your children can't see their Dad, that's no good for anyone. You both have to try to come to some kind of agreement that works for you all, and avoid having to go to court to sort arrangements out.
The problem with going to court over this is that they won't necessarily think he's being unreasonable, especially if the alternative is not having a job.

Oh I am not trying to stop ex having the dc at all. That in particular would not be good for teen ds.

I am though concerned that continual discussion every 2 weeks around when the kids are where would be stressful and from the perspective of making plans kinda hard

He shouldn't be applying for shift work in these circumstances. He has set days. Up to him to facilitate them

It would really piss me off that he was actively choosing to apply for shift work if he doesn't need to/isn't already doing it. I'd definitely take the approach that he will have to organize any childcare needed on his days and you need to stick to a routine so everyone knows where they are and what they're doing.

Unless there's a back story and he absolutely has to do this then it's for him to sort. Don't spend the rest of the time your kids are young organizing yourself around someone you're not even in a relationship with.

I agree, and from a social work perspective we would be expecting him to choose a job that's suitable for his childcare arrangements.

How old are the kids?

The kids are 9 and 15

Kids need routine. I’m divorcing but prior to this I had to give up my career as we both worked shifts and it just couldn’t work. My husband refused to request flexible working, I did and it got knocked back. I would say it depends on the line of work, some organisations are more flexible than others.

SocialLite out of interest, would social work expect an established shift worker to find another job to facilitate contact arrangements?
I know this doesn't apply in the OP's exes case, just wondered what expectations social work have of separated parents.

There are many many shift workers who share custody - healthcare professionals, first responders, manufacturing, hospitality etc. I even know a few families where both parents are shift workers.

Only a week's notice would be difficult. Depending on how the shift rota is determined there may be a way for him to know in advance or request specific shifts.

Is he in a field where shift work is common?

Is your job a regular M-F 9-5?

My job is 9-3 three days a week and 9-6 two days a week. But basically I work flexibility and have established that routine as it suits with the kid's hours and contact with their dad.

Ex is not working and hasn't since he moved out. The type of job he is going for is all shift work so it is inevitable. I think that changing around the after school dinners will be ok?? Although I will have to set all work meetings for school hours in case I have to finish at 3 if he is working.