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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Eldest child extremely down

3 replies

TeaandLemonDrizzle · 23/03/2023 18:41

Hi,
2nd post from me today.
Anyway, our eldest child (19) lives with us both and splits his time between us. He is going to university in September (currently on a gap year). Youngest (14) lives with me with the occasional night at her dad’s (2 nights so far this year).
Stbx has less income than me and when we separated (and he moved out) he didn’t give me a penny towards the children (when they were both residing with me). Two years on and my new solicitor has made me apply for CMS which has come back saying he should pay £400 a month for the younger child until she is 18. So, only 3 years. However, apparently he can’t afford it as he has took semi retirement at work. However, I am paying for everything. I think he is saying all sorts to our eldest child as he is becoming more and more subdued. He asked me to withdraw the claim for CMS. I’ve had to pick him up tonight as he called and asked me to pick him up from his dad’s place. He is very quiet. The first CMS payment is due in a week or two.

I have protected both children from the divorce as much as I can. I certainly don’t discuss financial issues in front of them.

I am worried about the eldest. He has his whole life ahead of him. He got A*’s in all of his A-levels and has accepted a place at a red brick university. I don’t want his life messed up by all of this.

Stbx hasn’t spoken to me in 2 years.

Should I ask the eldest to move back in with me until he goes to university in September? He said it isn’t his dad upsetting him this time. Maybe it’s a girl or something but it seems strange he wanted me to pick him up.

OP posts:
PotKettel · 23/03/2023 18:47

You sound like a lovely mum. I would say - Don't ask but offer that he could stay with you full time. Make it clear he is always welcome, loved and wanted and you will always be there for him. Try and carve out some time to spend together - may be something active like repainting a room, or going for a jog - a lot of guys open up more when they are moving around (feels less intense than a sit down/heart to heart chat).

it can be a difficult time, that period crossing over into adulthood.

TeaandLemonDrizzle · 23/03/2023 18:51

Yes, he is a lovely lad now. Had a few tough times with him in his teens but he has emerged a nice young man. I took him out the other day, just the two of us, which was nice. I am concerned his dad his telling him everything. He shouldn’t! It will affect him.

I will see if he settles down and opens up a bit.

OP posts:
CyclingMumKent · 23/03/2023 21:04

Good luck 🤞

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