Controlling Ex wanting to move to be near to me

[HangerLaneGyratorySystem]

STBEXH wants to wait to see where I will buy a new house then he'll buy one near me. Family home on the market so we're waiting to sell and get the equity, still having to share the house. DCs (early 20s) are adult but they currently still live with us, we're in our 60s, split is not amicable.

Anyone had this experience or any ideas? I suppose I can't stop him can I? Does it sound odd? He doesn't even like the areas I am looking to move to! He's not violent, just likes to manipulate. I wouldn't meet the threshold for any sort of court order.

Could you rent for a while?

You are under no obligation to tell him where you are moving, although with children between you it will inevitably come out in all likelihood.

Sending you sympathy- mine wanted to buy a place round the corner - er, no thanks

Tell him you are buying in a different county, find somewhere online that is selling and pretend you are moving there and let him buy there instead. None of his business where you are moving to. Live in a hotel for a while if you have to but tell him nothing.

It depends on his agenda, surely? If he's doing it so he's close enough to see your children, who despite being young adults still live with you, then surely that's not a bad thing in itself?) It might be creepy if he bought the house across the road from you, but wanting to be within a few miles isn't unreasonable if he's doing it to continue seeing his children.

@CakeIsNotAvailable The children are adults.

The OP has not said they have any disabilities that prevent them communicating with other people or getting around to see other people on their own.

You can't really do much about this unfortunately. Why does he want to live close to you? Just because he's ac controlling dickhead? Or because your DC will be living with you still and he wants to be close to them?

I'd consider renting in the short term. Probably wouldn't even tell him that. Just rent. Then move. Then, at a time that's convenient to you, buy a new house and move again. Bit of a hassle but allows you to have a barrier between the home you share and your new forever home.

I know they're adults - my post says so. But it's still perfectly reasonable for their father to want to live fairly close by. And depending on their circumstances, they may not have cars yet, or the money for frequent public transport fares. I got my first car at the age of 25 and was reliant on public transport until then.

Rent somewhere far, far away for six months.

Your 'children' are adults and can fend for themselves. Or he can buy somewhere for them to live.