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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

First steps to separation..advice please

11 replies

DeeDee20 · 21/03/2023 09:14

Hello,
I want to separate with my boyfriend of 7 years and don’t have a clue where to start.
we have a 1 year old son and have a joint mortgage together.
i know he will make this difficult for me and says he doesn’t want to split up for selfish reasons. I told him I will speak to a mediator and he refuses to go.
he put 100% of the deposit on the house however I have contributed with new boiler/windows/door. We are joint tenants.
what are my first steps and what am I entitled to. I know he will make it very hard for me but I just need enough so me and my son can buy our own place.
Thank you.

OP posts:
Lucia36 · 21/03/2023 10:12

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

LemonTT · 21/03/2023 11:44

You are entitled to 50% of the equity, if not married. Plus child support.

The only issue to consider is whether you can afford a home for your son. As parents you need to make this your priority. The children’s act can be used to help secure a home if you have very little equity and a low income.

For example if you can’t afford to rent or buy you might be able to stay in the family home until you can. But you would need his agreement or a court order for this. If it did happen you would be paying the mortgage. He would still own 50% and at some point you would have to give him his share. Even if you have been paying the mortgage. Because he owns 50%.

Original poster
DeeDee20 · 21/03/2023 19:22

Thank you.
do I need a solicitor to do this? I know he will fight against everything I do and won’t be happy to go 50% on the equity.
i totally agree with our son being number 1 priority. I am returning to work only part time due to nursery fees. If I got half the equity I could afford to buy my own place but would need help with child care.
is mediation the first step? Or solicitor is needed too?

OP posts:
GingerBoot · 21/03/2023 19:31

Hi, OP, sorry to hear you're going through a break up.
You will get lots of opinions and advice on here but no-one will 100% be able to tell you exactly what you're entitled to or will be awarded by a court because everyone's circumstances are totally different.
Best course of action is to make an appointment either a family law solicitor. The majority of them will give you first half hour appointment free and this will give you a good idea of what you need to do next. Please don't let OH persuade you that you don't need legal advice as he'll be fair or it'll be a waste of money etc. You definitely need your own solicitor.
You need to start gathering evidence together of who has contributed what, earnings, pensions etc as these will all be deciding factors when judge is deciding split of assets, family home, finances etc. Good luck

Channellingsophistication · 22/03/2023 07:02

Sorry you are going through this. You are a 50pc owner of property so you will get half equity as a joint tenant.

gogohmm · 22/03/2023 07:17

As you aren't married is normally 50% though if the property wasn't bought long ago it may be worth looking back through capital expenditure you funded vs amount he spent on the deposit as ammunition

millymollymoomoo · 22/03/2023 07:19

People can tell what you’re entitled to as you’re not married

you are entitled to the equity share based on house ownership - if held as joint tenants it’s 50% regardless of who paid what

you’ll also be entitled to claim child maintenance

pensions and other assets not relevant as not married

LemonTT · 22/03/2023 10:03

Again to reiterate the OP isn’t married. She doesn’t have any legal entitlement to assets other than the ones she owns. She owns half the house, unless her partner legally (not notionally or mentally) protected his deposit when they bought the house together. If he didn’t do that, he has learnt an expensive lesson in life.

The OP can consider the morality of taking half the equity if her ex put down a huge deposit but that is up to her. As a mother she is likely to incur far more costs and sacrifices than him in raising their child which half the equity won’t cover.

Original poster
DeeDee20 · 22/03/2023 20:47

Thank you all for your comments.
I will look at legal aid, mediation and a solicitor. He didn’t protect his deposit which was half the house. All I ask is that I have enough to buy a place for myself and son and an affordable mortage (difficult at the moment I know). I just want a clean, quick easy break which I know he will struggle with.

OP posts:
Original poster
DeeDee20 · 22/03/2023 20:52

Sorry, another question. He’s adamant he doesn’t want to split up, go to mediation etc. what will happen? Will it go to court and we will be forced to sell the house?

OP posts:
LemonTT · 22/03/2023 23:24

He cannot force you to live with him. If you want to sell then legally you own half. If it goes to court you will get half. Both of you will pay legal fees.

it is in his interests to offer you a lump sum to go.

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